The Beautiful Life, the Most Beautiful Dead
by hillary adelheide
Summary: “Alice saw you and called us begging me to come find you.” He paused for another moment. “Bella, Alice saw you here in the meadow and..” he stopped again, hesitating, and the look in his eyes was hard to interpret. “She saw you levitating.”
1. Chapter 1

"**Alice saw you and called us begging me to come find you." He paused for another moment. "Bella, Alice saw you here in the meadow and.." he stopped again, hesitating, and the look in his eyes was hard to interpret. "She saw you levitating."**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters or anything having to do with it. I heart you Stephenie Meyer, YOU ROCK!**

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I stood at the entrance to a meadow that I remembered as if from a dream. The forest appeared in layers: undergrowth, shrubbery, long and majestic tree trunks that seemed to sway back and forth, sweeping the cobwebs from the ceiling of heaven. The canopy stopped where I stood and was as perfectly round and never ending as a circle, the meadow was bathed in a warm sunlight. In the peaceful eternity of a forest this old I couldn't be sure that I wasn't dreaming. Something about this forest caught my attention and enveloped me in a trance, and it was something far more mysterious than the open deserts of Arizona, it was as if these very trees held a very ancient secret, a magic that only appealed to me, and I was struck by the sheer vastness of the world around me. This forest had existed so long before me, and would continue to do so for so long after me, and at that very moment I felt extremely insignificant in the scheme of things.

At first glance the forest was dead, something to walk past and observe, but I was taken aback at the realization of life around me. With a closer stare, the dim appearance of everything was met by an eerie glow somehow generated by the misty sunlight in the thick and nearly impenetrable Washington forest. The sharp contrasts of the colors captivated me. Somewhere... in the beauty of all things natural and alive, there stood something so beautiful in death... such beautiful death that his pale white body starkly drew my attention from the beauty of life surrounding us. Here I was, the epitome of life, there stood he, the bringer of death.

And yet, I loved him.

He stood, bare from the waist up, with his back to me. He stood on the opposite side of the clearing facing the forest, and if I could tear my eyes from him, I would stare as well. Something about the way his stark white body stood apart from the emerald green of the surrounding foliage entranced me. The light grew softer near his body and seemed to wrap him in with the sense of mystery that encompassed this forest.

A meadow stood between us- light, and all the boundaries between the living and the dead. We were gambling now with God, trying to undo what we were given no power to meddle in- however, we were stuck in a love that had trapped us both, and that we knew we could not exist without. Nothing but this, but the very laws of life and existence, of instinct and the bond between predator and prey, of the utter nature of what a human soul could withstand-nothing but the boundary between a vampire and a human could be such a worthy opponent to this love.

He was as still as a statue, and yet, he turned to face me so quickly I should have become startled. He could smile in a way that left me breathless each time I saw it. In one quick moment I began to run, and he nearly disappeared. Before I had hardly taken a step, I was in his arms. We were in the light now, and suddenly diamonds shot in every direction from his beautiful cold body. My body, so... weak in comparison, so boring, so human.

With a dazzling smile and a voice as sweet as his butterscotch eyes, he said to me, "come here love."

I laughed my childlike laugh, "I'm in your arms silly, how can I come closer?"

"Like this" he replied.

His lips met mine with a feeling that I could never quite identify. His touch traveled through my entire body and I lost control. I kissed him back fiercely as if I had no human behavior left. Oh, I wish I didn't. Just as I was beginning to become dizzy he pulled away sharply.

"Ahh, silly Bella" he said as he pulled away and smiled at me.

I gasped for breath and stared at his warm topaz eyes. He held me to him like a rag doll, showing me with his every vampire move how fragile my human life was. Oddly enough, however, he showed me that humanity itself does not cease as human life ends.

Soon enough the light began to dim in the forest. Although clearly outside the forest the day was still bright, inside the shade of the foliage everything was turning to shadows quicker. Edward turned his face up from where he had trailed his nose along my throat. He smiled sweetly at me and mentioned that Charlie would be worried.

Soon we were running, no, flying through the trees. At first I had been nauseous when Edward had taken me along at an inhuman pace, but now I was beginning to enjoy it. Better yet, I was beginning to look forward to the day that my own legs would be as fast as his. Then we could run side by side through a forest as beautiful as this.

We came out of the trees and came to an abrupt stop next to my truck. Edward gently swung me to my feet and I nearly tripped as I walked to the driver's side.

"Silly Bella" he said as he caught me, just in time, then he laughed his beautiful laugh.

"What would I do without you?" I said. I laughed too. Everything felt perfect after a day like this.

"A person as clumsy as you behind the wheel... we'll be lucky to make it back to Charlie's" he teased.

I smiled and ignored his taunting as I searched for a radio station.

"May I" he asked, reaching for the dials. "I'd prefer that you pay attention to driving, love."

I smiled and gave in, letting him complain about the amount of commercials. He grinned and took his shirt from the seat next to him, sliding it on in one fluid movement.

"Charlie would appreciate it if I were fully clothed." He grinned and I grinned back, imagining Charlie's face if Edward entered the house shirtless.

We chugged along at the normal speed of my truck, approximately a tortoise crawl according to Edward. When we reached my house Charlie's cruiser was not in the driveway. I turned to Edward, worried. He eyed me back, listening carefully for Charlie's thoughts.

"He's not here." Edward finally said. I had guessed as much due to the absence of his cruiser. I could see that Edward was listening also for Charlie's thoughts in a wider radius, trying to decide whether he was close by.

"He should be home by now" I said. Before I knew it, Edward was out of the truck and opening my door for me. He pulled me into his arms and carried me to the door.

"You know, I can walk." He laughed. "It's my excuse to hold you" he replied.

I reached up to kiss him. "Oh you never need an excuse for that."

For an instant we had forgotten our worry, but it diminished entirely when I spotted a note on the table from Charlie.

_"Bells, _

_I stopped home to grab a bite to eat so you don't have to worry about dinner tonight. I went to give Billy a little company. He says he gets lonely with Jacob not around much. Would it hurt to give him a call? I'll be home later."_

My stomach burned as I read the last bit of the note. I wondered if Edward could hear the increase in my heart rate at the mention of Jacob. I knew that he could, (vampire senses) but I only hoped he wouldn't question things.

I had not spoken to Jacob in weeks, I hadn't had the urge to go back since my crying had subsided. "Yes, Charlie" I thought, "It would hurt, it would hurt me extremely to call him." The way I had felt about Jake was something I had tried to forget, and while he crossed my mind from time to time I had for the most part stopped thinking of him. Every time he was mentioned something inside me screamed.

"Bella, love, are you alright?" Edward was looking straight through me with his topaz eyes, questioning the flurry of emotions that I was sure were displayed on my face.

"I'm fine Edward" I managed to choke out after I finally found my voice again. He stared into my eyes with a pained expression. "I thought everything was okay now..." his voice trailed off as he glanced at the note.

"It is, Charlie just threw me off by going out so late." I managed a weak smile. "I was just worried about him is all." He looked as if he didn't believe me. I continued, as if I needed to elaborate my excuse. "I'm just not used to everything going right around here. I was getting used to deadly vampires threatening me and my family."

His face finally relaxed as if he believed I was only worried about Charlie, though I was sure that my own face betrayed my guilt at my lingering pain for Jacob.

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This is my first fanfic in a very long time so please read and review. The more reviews I get the happier I will be:) There will be more coming soon. I don't think this is a cliffy so please don't be mad. Thanks everyone who read my story for your time, and thanks in advance for the time I hope you will spend writing a review. Well, that's all! ta ta! Have a Good Day!


	2. Chapter 2

**"Alice saw you and called us begging me to come find you." He paused for another moment. "Bella, Alice saw you here in the meadow and.." he stopped again, hesitating, and the look in his eyes was hard to interpret. "She saw you levitating."**

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters or anything having to do with it. I heart you Stephenie Meyer, YOU ROCK!

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**Author's note: GO BACK AND RE-READ CHAPTER ONE!! I CHANGED IT AND IT IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! WARNING-MUST RE-READ BEFORE PROCEEDING!**

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After accepting my excuse, Edward abrubtly turned toward the refrigerator and grinned towards me. "What would you like to eat, my love?"

I stopped to consider for a moment and opened the refrigerator door.

"There're some leftovers in here, I think I'll just heat them up." I replied to him, smiling slightly at his constant respect and concern for my human state.

As I was putting the plate of meatloaf and green beans in the microwave I felt Edwards body against my back and he placed his lips at the sensitive area right behind my ear. "Bella, you smell so wonderful."

I turned my head to look over my shoulder and his lips met mine before I had a chance to reply. When he pulled away I finally choked out, "And you look very handsome today as well Mr. Cullen." He grinned his crooked grin and reached around me to pull my food out of the microwave before taking my hand to lead me to the table.

As I ate he looked out the window, watching the birds twitter and fly from one tree to another. Occasionally he would glance at me and smile warmly. My appetite was minimal, I was having a horrible time blocking Jake from my thoughts. I saw him in the back of my mind, sitting on the cliff that I dove from not even a year earlier; I couldn't help but wonder if he considered the fall. I considered it, not that fateful fall from the cliff that brought me back in touch with my Edward, but the consistent fall that Jacob and I had endured since the day I brought him our motorcycles. We would forever be falling, I in a very distant part of my soul, and Jacob in his private mind and in his pack mind. I knew that Edward would always be my constant and that something about our love would always keep me grounded in reality, but still, something in the depths of me was plummeting, night and day, hoping to reach that bottom where Jacob would be standing with open arms.

The guilt was unbearable because I knew the pain Edward would feel if he ever knew that even the smallest bit of me was not his. I knew that I could deny the feeling for the rest of eternity and still it might remain, however small. I had vowed to never shed another tear for Jacob Black, and I knew that I could maintain my vow, if only because the part of me that loved him remained with him. I was only part of Bella now, and I knew that above all I needed Edward's venom to recreate me and make me whole again. He would take the Bella that I am now- the larger part of me that belongs to him, and he will create his part into a whole, a vampire Bella. My changing would be the only way to alleviate my guilt and truly belong to Edward again. It was permanent, constant, and much more serious than a wedding. I shuddered, though thankfully Edward was still staring at the birds.

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Edward and I relaxed on the couch for a long time that night, vaguely aware of the tv but paying true attention only to eachother. Finally Edward glanced at me and sighed. "Charlie will be home in a few minutes, I can hear his thoughts distantly."

I sighed. "Okay, you had better go." I pouted at the thought and reached up to kiss him. He kissed me back for a brief moment. "You are adorable when you pout."

"Goodbye my love, remember, tonight I'm hunting with Jasper. I will be back before you know I'm gone. I'll be back tomorrow afternoon."

I pouted even more, but it didn't feel fair to guilt him. Even vampires have to eat. "I feel it here when you're gone." I brushed my hand over my chest lightly. "But I will be okay for one night. It's not like I'm in danger anymore." He smiled a pained smile. "I still hate to leave you, but I have to. Charlie is pulling in the driveway as we speak." He kissed my cheek once and all but vanished into thin air.

I sighed and prepared myself for the onslaught from Charlie. The door banged open and I heard Charlie grunt. He smiled as he entered the living room.

"Hey kid, where's Edward?"

"He's gone camping with Jasper for the night, they should be home tomorrow afternoon." Charlie had a hard time faking disappointment. "Jake was at the house for a while today" he mentioned. "He came home for a bite to eat while me and Billy watched the game. Kid keeps getting taller."

"Ah." I mentioned, pain ripping through me.

He glanced at me disapprovingly. "Dad," I went on. "I'm really tired, I think I'm going to head to bed."

"Alright," he replied, picking up the remote to switch the channel. "I'm leaving for the station early tomorrow morning so I won't be here when you wake up."

"K, night dad."

"Night!" he called after me as I started up the stairs.

When I got upstairs I took a long shower, soaking in the heat until I couldn't stand it any more. Finally when I felt that I was sufficiently pruned I dried off and proceeded to my room. It seemed empty in here without Edward.

I lay down slowly on my bed, trying to get past the loneliness and failing miserably. One long span without my Edward had been enough for me, but still, without him I was finding myself thinking of Jacob more and more. I reached toward my bedside table and grabbed the old phone with the curly cord that I had brought with me from my room in Arizona, and dialed Jacob's number. The phone rang, and rang, and suddenly I heard Jacob's voice say hello. I slammed the phone down and tried to control my breathing. Thank God he didn't have caller id, or I knew he would call back wondering what the hell was going on.

Why was I acting so immature? I said that I was over Jacob and that's all there was to it. I tried to think of something to distract me until I fell asleep, but I could think of nothing until I spotted the stack of cd's on my shelf. After his return Edward and I had been working on rebuilding my collection.

I grabbed one off the shelf that I knew wasn't too romantic and slipped it into my old-school portable cd player. The music was loud but oddly enough it was relaxing. Just the first few songs lulled me to sleep.

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Thank you everyone for reading and for the time I hope you will spend reviewing. I love input on my writing. Please let me know if I can improve in any way and if you have any ideas. If you feel the need to flame me that's alright as well. Again- try not to be too harsh, this is my first story in a long time.


	3. Chapter 3

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"**Alice saw you and called us begging me to come find you." He paused for another moment. "Bella, Alice saw you here in the meadow and.." he stopped again, hesitating, and the look in his eyes was hard to interpret. "She saw you levitating."**

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters or anything having to do with it. I heart you Stephenie Meyer, YOU ROCK!

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**Author's note: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed my stories! I'm sorry to say that "No Longer a Lonely Heart" has taken a slight backseat while I focus my attentions on this story (and my final paper for AP English. Yuckzilla!) I've definitely been struck by inspiration on this one though so thank you all for bearing with me! To ****kait1993, I'm not really sure about this becoming J/B but I'm leaning on keeping it Edward/Bella. We'll see but I just definitely had to let Jake have some room in my story- I have to admit he's my favorite character ever. Oh yeah, sorry it's been a little dry so far but hopefully this chapter should get the plot going stronger. And… Onward ho!**

When I woke in the morning I felt disoriented and stared around my room, searching for my Edward. When I registered his absence I felt a tinge of fear and slowly remembered his hunting trip. I slowly caught my breath and got up to brush my teeth.

The day spanning in front of me appeared so daunting that I almost returned to bed. I wasn't sure what to do without Edward. For a few minutes I ate breakfast and tried to force myself to clean. After one load of laundry and a good scrub-down of the bathroom I was burnt out. The day was going to be impossibly long.

Finally there was nothing left to do but go outside, and I grabbed a hoodie and headed to my truck. I knew that I was going to the meadow.

My truck was being extremely sluggish today, more so than usual. When I pressed on the gas the speed didn't seem to increase though the roaring grew louder. With time, however, I did reach the turnoff where I would park my truck and begin my trek toward our beautiful meadow.

The walk in the forest was peaceful- and I tried hard to recapture the feeling that had consumed me here yesterday. Lately the color of the trees was different. The foliage was a bright, acid green, different from the vague green that had seemed to fade into the background as I had grown used to the Washington forests. The difference in color was astounding to me, as I had never noticed the sharp contrasts before.

Something deep inside of me drew me here. The very core of my existence was calling to me- telling me that this forest was my shelter and my home. I grew up in Arizona, and until I returned to Forks and met my Edward I never realized what the mossy green life in Forks meant to me.

With time I reached the meadow, and I shoved my way through the last bit of undergrowth to enter it completely. As I shoved through the last line of trees my breath caught in my chest. The beauty of the clearing was astounding. Wildflowers grew among the wild grass and scattered about like droplets off an artist's brush. Birds fluttered about, aimlessly making their way around the edges.

I sat down in the middle of the clearing, willing to enjoy the beauty and life that surrounded me. Hidden by the tall grass and flowers I looked toward the forest trees and was surprised at the feeling that engulfed me. I felt… disoriented.

For a moment I became slightly nauseous and felt odd. My hands seemed very far away from my face and for a brief eternity I felt like I had been ripped in pieces. I concentrated hard for almost a full minute on clearing my mind, and when I opened my eyes I felt like I was floating. I reached down to scratch my foot and suddenly my eyes widened before my vision failed and everything went black.

When I woke I was lying on my back in the meadow, staring at the uncompromising blue sky of an uncharacteristically clear day in Forks. Edward's eyes were locked on me.

"Bella?" he asked franctically. "Bella can you feel this?" he touched my hand lightly.

"Yeeeeah" I mumbled feebly, trying desperately to understand what was happening.

"Edward?" I peered at him, trying to discern if it really was him.

"Yes, love?"

"Why are you here?" I was trying hard to grasp reality and I thought Edward had been hunting.

"Alice saw you and called us begging me to come find you." He paused for another moment. "Bella, Alice saw you here in the meadow and.." he stopped again, hesitating, and the look in his eyes was hard to interpret. "She saw you levitating."

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**I do apologize for the cliffy everyone, but I had to end the chapter here because I couldn't quite decide where it was going to go- though I'm actually going to start working on the next chapter right now! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the time you have spent reading my story and I can only hope you will review and continue to read my work. I appreciate it greatly. **

**Love always, **

**Hillary**


	4. Chapter 4

**"Alice saw you and called us begging me to come find you." He paused for another moment. "Bella, Alice saw you here in the meadow and.." he stopped again, hesitating, and the look in his eyes was hard to interpret. "She saw you levitating."**

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Author's note: Thank you every one who has been reading and reviewing! I'm flattered! Just to let everyone know, by not knowing where I was going with this and still proceeding to write right away I was just getting my ideas out- and I came up with some good ones. I have the plot completely worked out- I just need to tweak it and figure out how each thing will happen. So, without further adieu, here is the chapter that (I hope) you have been awaiting anxiously!

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My eyes widened once again as I remembered what had occurred only moments earlier.

_I remember clearing my mind and focusing on becoming aware of my surroundings, and when I opened my eyes and looked down at my foot I realized that I was not touching the ground anymore, I was over a foot from the ground, a foot that made the ground seem miles away._

After the memory struck me, I looked up at Edward, who was still staring at me, confusion and utter disbelief apparent in his eyes.

"I saw it Bella, you were. You fainted just as I entered the clearing." His eyes were unreadable, but nothing could mask the fear apparent in his every movement.

"Edward…" I mumbled, still not quite coherent. Nothing was making sense. "I was. The ground seemed so far…" I looked at my feet in a daze.

"We have to get to Carlisle, now," he said to himself. Before I knew what was going on, he had his cell phone out and was dialing the number of his only father figure. Carlisle apparently answered quite quickly, and in voices so fast I couldn't understand they must have discussed me because before I knew it, Edward had put the phone away and was looking in my eyes again. "Bella, we're going to run because it will be faster than taking your truck."

I nodded my head, and as I was still rather dazed, Edward scooped me up in his arms, honey moon style, and we were running through the forest. The trees were a blur around us and I tucked my head deep into Edward's chest. I was still very confused; if Edward hadn't come I wouldn't believe what I had seen. I just couldn't understand why Edward was so fearful- what could this mean? It was not possible that other vampires had any thing to do with my levitating, and as far as I could tell it didn't pose any danger. Nevertheless we were barreling through the forest at an inhuman speed and Edward clutched me tighter than he ever had before.

We arrived at the Cullen mansion but Edward never stopped running. In fact, even the house was a blur until Edward sat me down gently in a chair that stood before the desk at which Carlisle sat, a pensive look on his seemingly youthful face.

"Bella," he said very slowly, "you must be very confused." He turned to look at Edward and though I could not hear his thoughts I was sure that Edward was being chided. Carlisle again turned to me. "I told him that he should not have become so worried and hasty." He smiled at me. "We both know of Edward's dramatic tendencies." He cleared his throat and smiled lovingly at Edward before addressing me once more. "Bella, this is the strangest thing I have heard of in all my years, but right now we have nothing to worry about. I'm sure we can figure this out."

I relaxed a bit and I was sure that the two vampires in the room could hear my heartbeat slow to an almost normal level. Edward smiled tentatively and adorably lop-sided. "Jasper says your nervousness is killing him Bella."

I tried to smile. "Um, Edward," I turned to look at Carlisle with an embarrassed half grin, "Why have you brought me to Carlisle?"

Carlisle looked at Edward who was on the verge of speaking and said aloud, "Why don't you let me handle this one Edward?"

"Bella, Edward was very worried. We have been alive for many, many years and have never heard of such a phenomenon. What happened in the meadow was so unexplainable, even to a vampire, that he brought you to the one person who he thought would have done enough scholarly research to explain this." Carlisle was strumming his fingers on the desk. "He gives me too much credit however, I do not know everything." He sighed and rose to his feet. He walked towards the bookshelves, scanning them all and trying to choose a reference.

I tried to gather my thoughts. To me, something rather odd, though not altogether terrifying had occurred in the meadow, and though I was finding it not altogether insignificant I was somehow finding it much less momentous than the two vampires who stood before me did. These men were creatures that in a normal world would not exist, and we all had prior knowledge of the werewolves who existed not many miles away. We three people were not generally surprised by out-of-the-ordinary occurrences. Edward's reaction was what worried me- it took a lot to surprise a vampire.

Edward smiled at me reassuringly thought he couldn't mask the confusion and worry on his own face. Carlisle returned to his original position behind the desk, surprisingly empty-handed. He sighed. "Bella," he said, "What were you doing before this happened?"

I thought for only a moment and replied, "I was sitting down in the middle of the meadow listening to the birds and trees in the breeze."

"What were you doing with your _mind_?"

I looked at Carlisle with what I was sure was a confused expression. "With my mind?" I repeated.

"Yes, what was going on inside your head?"

"I remember clearing my mind," I replied. "I was trying to focus only on my surroundings."

Edward and Carlisle met each other's eyes for a brief moment.

Edward addressed me. "Bella, we'd like to re-create what happened in the meadow."

I nodded my head cooperatively and looked to Carlisle. "Whatever we need to do to figure this out…"

He nodded and directed me to sit on the floor. "Now Bella, try to clear your mind as you did in the forest."

I tried hard to clear my mind and to imagine a blank white void. I concentrated on remembering the tune of the birds and the wind rustling the tall grasses.

I heard a sharp intake of breathe and opened my eyes. I was hovering a foot away from the floor.

Carlisle and Edward were staring at me, and suddenly I fell back the floor with a thud. "Ouch," I complained, rubbing my behind where I had hit the floor.

We all stared at each other in a dumbfounded silence. Carlisle was the first to speak.

"Bella has this ever happened before that you know of?"

"No."

"Has anything ever happened to you," he hesitated for a moment, "outside of your normal human capabilities?"

I thought for several long minutes, trying to remember every detail of my life. The problem was that I had never been extremely close to another human- and I laughed inside my head. Apparently I can only form close relationships with mythical creatures, because to be honest I had never really felt a certain amount of closeness between either Renee and I or Charlie and I. Therefore, when it came down to it, I didn't really know how humans were supposed to think, feel, or behave. My life could be extremely abnormal against human standards for all that I was aware of it.

Nevertheless, as far as I could remember nothing extraordinary characterized me. I was plain Bella. I was clumsy, prone to danger, horrible at dancing and social situations Bella. Finally I turned to Edward and Carlisle and said no.

The room was silent for a moment, and I was sure that Carlisle was making hypotheses and Edward was listening and commenting, too quietly for me to hear. Suddenly Carlisle met his eyes and Edward gave a quick and miniscule nod.

"Bella I would like to perform a medical examination to see if maybe we can identify some sort of change."

"I don't mind." I said, nervously. I wanted to know exactly what was going on, and my patience was wearing down. I was getting irritated and I wanted to know every detail of what these two were hiding from me.

Carlisle led the way out the door and to another small room. He returned with a medical kit and informed us that this would be our makeshift examination room. Apparently, if I was for some reason abnormal, he did not want the others at the hospital to make an experiment of me.

I sat down on a stool that Edward produced from some other part of the house and waited for Carlisle to begin. He began by listening to my heartbeat.

Carlisle had no need for a stethoscope, and he merely listened intently to the silent room for several seconds. "Your heartbeat sounds normal," he concluded.

Carlisle conducted several more tests, but when he finished taking my temperature Edward stared at him worriedly. "What?" I asked. "Have you found something?" Carlisle glanced quickly at a thermometer in his kit and compared it with the one I had been tested with.

The two vampires then looked at me. "Are you cold?"

"No," I answered, in a sort of nervous, shrill voice.

"Your body temperature is astounding. Your body is reading at room temperature, which happens to be 68 degrees Bella, and a normal human would run at about 98."

Carlisle took my temperature again and Edward's eyes were wide as he stared at me. "With a temperature like this you would be suffering from extreme hypothermia, if not already dead."

I shivered then, not from cold, but from the acknowledgement that there was indeed something physically wrong with me.

Edward and Carlisle again shared a mental conversation and I wanted to scream at them to tell me what was going on. The entire situation had put me in a sort of daze, and I was going through the motions knowing the shock would consume me later. I was numb.

Only last night Edward and I had rejoiced over my status as "safe." Nobody was out to kill me, and the Volturi were only a miniscule threat now that the date was set for my transformation and rebirth. I was slowly starting to realize that I was not safe, because I was Bella, and I was going to attract some sort of danger one way or another.

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Hours later Edward and I were silently cuddled together in my bed. I hadn't spoken in almost an hour. Something about this situation sent chills through my body when I considered it, because finally it was a fear that was unexplainable. Every part of my life had always been rational and explainable. I did not fear Edward and his family- though they were vampires, because I knew what they were and I knew that though they were trapped in the shells of monsters they indeed retained more of their original humanity than many humans I knew. I was not afraid of Jacob because I knew him as well, and like the Cullens he was nothing to be afraid of. This fear, however, dealt with the unknown, and the unknown terrified me.

Edward lay at my side, diligently naked from the waist up and keeping his arms wrapped around me. Carlisle had instructed him to be aware of my body heat and to keep up a continuous comparison between my temperature and that of the room we were in. Edward was becoming worried as he realized that the longer he touched me the more my body would cool to meet the temperature of where his cold was against me. Apparently I was responding to the temperatures around me without feeling it. He kept switching his position and asking me if I was cold. I knew that he was keeping track of my breathing and heartbeat as well. He had informed me several times in the past few hours, his body language growing more and more frantic each time, that I was the virtual lizard. My body heat was breaking a constant even with that of the air around us.

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Thank you again for reading! I appreciate your time and your reviews. I'm itching to continue writing so look forward to an update soon!

Always,

Hillary


	5. Chapter 5

**"Alice saw you and called us begging me to come find you." He paused for another moment. "Bella, Alice saw you here in the meadow and.." he stopped again, hesitating, and the look in his eyes was hard to interpret. "She saw you levitating."**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters or anything having to do with it. I heart you Stephenie Meyer, YOU ROCK!**

**Author's Note: Thank you for your patience, I just finally ended my senior year of high school and graduated. It's been a rough couple of months, and between final papers and make-up work, and my two jobs, life was hectic there for a while. Now that I'm out of school I can concentrate more on this story. (Is it wrong to wish that you were all anxiously awaiting this chapter?) I love all of you faithful reviewers. Love always, Hill**

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All night Edward held me and I tried hard to sleep. It was awkward trying to block everything from my mind with him holding on to me so tightly. I could feel his nervousness through his façade of calm and poise.

In the morning I was irritable and tired still, but Edward's lopsided smile brightened my mood somewhat. I didn't have much of an appetite, but after a light breakfast of toast while Edward returned to the meadow for my truck, we left quickly to consult Carlisle once more.

He was waiting for us behind the enormous mahogany desk in his study, tapping a pen against the wood and scrutinizing the bookshelves. "Ah, Edward, Bella" he greeted us with a sincere smile as we entered the room. "Sit please." He gestured to two chairs opposite his desk. I sat, though Edward preferred to remain standing behind me with a hand on my shoulder. Carlisle shook his head at Edward playfully. I knew that in his thoughts he was asking Edward to calm down for my sake.

"Any news on the body temperature?" he asked Edward in a human volume for my benefit.

"She's still keeping up a steady temperature with whatever is touching her, including me." Edward replied worriedly.

Carlisle considered for a moment. "Bella," he said, "with your permission I would like to perform another examination."

"Anything that would help this," I replied desperately.

Back in our makeshift examination room, Carlisle took my temperature again, still as bewildered as before. Upon measuring my heartbeat he mentioned a miniscule increase in pulse that he said could be attributed to my nervousness. The diagnosis was still unclear and my levitation a mystery.

* * *

Edward and I left Carlisle though we were just as confused as before.

"Edward!" An idea suddenly hit me.

"Yes love?" he asked, quickly, almost too worriedly.

"Why haven't we talked to Alice yet?" The look on his face was unreadable, though it was obvious that he was cursing himself. He reached for his cell phone quickly and before I knew it he was speaking with Alice. He ended the call quickly.

"She joined Jasper to keep him company when I left, but will be here momentarily Love."

He led me back into the mansion that the Cullens called home and into the beautiful sitting room. While we were waiting for Alice to arrive he positioned himself at the piano, touching the keys tentatively, as though testing whether the music in him could handle the situation. Apparently pleased at the feel of the keys beneath his fingers, he closed his eyes gently and roamed his entire hand over the beautiful woodwork. His fingers moved toward the keys and when the two met, musician and instrument, the sound was beautiful. Tentatively his fingers explored the ivory, key by key, creating.

The chords rang in harmony, and every so often two notes would clash, not uncomfortably, but with an odd acoustic brilliance that revealed the hidden conflict and turmoil of my Edward's very existent soul. The sound reverberated with the deep bass of low notes, keeping the piece consistent and establishing the meter. Above all was a sweet and almost magical melody that nearly always harmonized with the lower notes, though every so often created that beautiful and enigmatic clash. The music was almost mythical, and I closed my eyes to envision our meadow. In my head the branches of the trees twisted their beautiful brown limbs in enticing dancing patterns, their acid green leaves vibrated in passion for the music and musician, the wildflowers bent their beautiful faces toward the melody, the darkness of the forest beyond pulsed with a lustful energy in the underlying bass.

With my eyes still closed, I eased myself onto the piano bench next to my Edward and his sweet scent filled my head while the meadow danced in my mind. With a movement that felt so extremely natural, I opened my mouth and a note escaped my lips. Wordlessly my voice wove through several octaves in a perfect complement to Edward's piano. I felt my body come alive, each nerve end tingled as the notes struck perfection, and I wondered fleetingly why I had never tried to sing before.

The piano stopped abruptly, though I was not so eager to end my own beautiful discovery. I held the last note in a tingling vibrato before opening my eyes.

Edward was on the other side of the room, staring at me, wide eyed, all calm and poise abandoned.

"Bella…" he breathed my name slowly as he approached me. "Why-what?" he asked, breathlessly, "Beautiful, just beautiful… God, why you never told me…" he closed his eyes and took a deep breathe, "You are a dangerous, dangerous creature Bella." He opened his eyes again, paused, and smiled questioningly. "You never told me you could sing like this Bella."

I reached for him, breathing his name and savoring its wonderful taste on my tongue. "Oh Edward," I laughed loudly and fully, "I never knew I could!"

We held each other in amazement, and though we never let go we noticed the entire Cullen family standing near the entrance to the room, awe-stricken as well.

Emmet was the first to speak. "Well Daaaaaamn Bella." While the rest of the room erupted in laughter, Rosalie elbowed him in the ribs while trying to mask a giggle and mumbled "Emmet, don't swear."

Carlisle was the first to speak once the laughter had subsided. "Thank you Emmet for that comic relief." His smile continued, "Though if you would all allow it, I would like a moment with just Edward, Bella, Alice and myself." The rest of the family nodded and retreated, with amazed smiles still playing about their lips.

**Thank you again for reading, now REVIEW! PLEASE! Honestly, I need feedback on my writing, how else could I improve? Oh yeah, sorry for the cliffy, I know this chapter doesn't explain much, my goal was just building up that anticipation. It will all come togethor soon, I promise. Please review though, I want to be able to make the changes you guys see neccessary instead of just taking this plot and running with it. I want to give you guys a hint to where this is going... but I just can't. It'll ruin it! But please do not lose patience with me, just keep reading okay? **

**love, Hill**


	6. Chapter 6

**"Alice saw you and called us begging me to come find you." He paused for another moment. "Bella, Alice saw you here in the meadow and.." he stopped again, hesitating, and the look in his eyes was hard to interpret. "She saw you levitating."**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters or anything having to do with it. I heart you Stephenie Meyer, YOU ROCK!**

**Author's Note: Thank you for your patience, I know that the plot is moving along somewhat slowly… but there is a lot to come. One day this idea hit me like a ton of bricks and I had to do it. I absolutely love writing this story. I have to admit that it has required a bit of research… and anybody who is an H-core mythology nut please forgive me if I get some details wrong. Thank you to all of my reviewers… and on with the story!**

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As the room cleared, Carlisle motioned for Edward and me to join him and Alice in the center of the room. He took a seat in a chair and motioned to the three of us to have a seat on the sofa. When we were all situated he looked around the room pensively and Edward addressed Alice.

"Alice?" She turned her face to look at him, "Have you seen anything?"

Alice chewed her lower lip for a moment. "My vision has been blurry…" she paused before continuing. "Before, I was only looking for events, for out of the ordinary occurrences, I was scanning for the presence of other vampires in her future, of course watching the decisions of the Volturi… I wasn't watching for changes in Bella herself. More in her circumstances…" She eyed Edward with guilt apparent on her features while Edward's eyes burned with the anger I knew he was trying to hide.

"I know we ask you for a lot." He said quietly.

"I'm sorry Edward; I just didn't know to watch for anything like this. I caught the levitation because it was so odd."

Edward made a very convincing warm smile in her direction before the room fell uncomfortably silent. Carlisle attempted to break the discomfort by asking Alice if she could see anything changing in my health or well-being.

Her eyes grew distant and we were all aware that she was staring well into the future. For a minute she was impossibly still, and when her eyes came back into focus she looked at me intently, as if trying to see my thoughts as well.

For a fleeting second Edward's face was full of anger before he regained his composure. "Alice, why are you blocking your vision from me?" He asked, not able to hide his effort to control his voice.

Alice sighed and turned to him. "Bella and I need to talk Edward, woman to woman. Now go, I'll call you when we're done. And you had better not listen." She turned to Carlisle. "Would you mind if I had a private second with Bella? Girly matters."

I shuddered. Girly matters with Alice could be extremely nerve racking and uncomfortable because they generally involved manicures and shopping at expensive French boutiques. Somehow however, I was sure that her vision had nothing to do with my feminine appearance.

Edward huffed loudly as he rose in one fluid movement and gracefully followed Carlisle out the door. The pixie like vampire followed both in her lithe dancer's step and watched to be sure they were out of earshot- even for their super-sensitive hearing.

She turned to me with a sour look on her face and as sullenly as possible in her dancing way, she returned to me. One look at my face and she began to pout. As she sat she said sadly, "Don't you love me Bella?"

I paused for a moment, dumbfounded. "Well yeah Alice, of course I love you, you're my sister!" I smiled, confused.

Her mouth turned up a bit at the corners but her eyes were still impossibly sad and heartbreaking. Her tiny shoulders were slumped forward. "And I thought you loved Edward, Bella." She looked at the floor and made a pathetic sniffing sound.

At this, I was completely taken aback. I paused for several seconds, not sure of the expression on my face. I knew that my mouth was still gaping open when she turned her face up to look at me. Her delicate features made her sad face even more heartbreaking, her large eyes open wide, and her bottom lip jutted out in just the tiniest bit of a pout. I searched her expression and suddenly began talking.

"Alice are you kidding?" She shook her head slowly. "Well JEEZ!" I went on, dumbfounded. "I love Edward more than anything Alice… _anything_!" I added for emphasis. "He's my life! You know that!"

"Well why is it then," she answered with venom in her voice, "that your entire future has disappeared from my vision?"

My mouth was gaping again. "W-What?" I finally managed to say.

"That's right Bella. If you are thinking of leaving my brother for that," she paused before growling the word, "dog" she continued even more acidly, "you could have at least _warned_ us. We already know he's like a vegetable without you, completely unable to function." She finished, with a slight growl behind her voice, her face puckered in dismay.

I stared at her with utter disbelief on my face. "Alice, I never…" I tried to say, but she cut me off. "Bella," she whispered, "My vision can't lie."

"But Alice!" I said, "I don't want Jacob, you know as well as I do that I love Edward."

"Do you?" She asked menacingly.

"Oh Alice!" I began to cry. "I d-d-don't know w-w-why…" Her eyes softened as I tried to squeeze out a few words.

"So…" she hesitated and looked straight into my eyes, "You aren't leaving us?"

"Oh Alice!" I exclaimed again, "Silly!" I was crying so hard that when I said the word silly it sounded unnatural and we both giggled a tiny bit. "I love all of you; I would never, ever leave! I want to _become _one of you!"

Her face brightened visibly and she hugged me tightly. I was still sniffling.

Suddenly she pulled away slightly to look in my eyes. "Oh but Bella," she continued, with a hint of question in her eyes, "We need to find out why your future is gone!" "If it's not the _dog_" she spat, "there are only two options: I don't even want to consider the first," she paused as I felt myself tremble slightly, "because we won't let anything happen to you," she added, "and the second is that something unknown to us is also able to block my vision."

Though the idea still rang with the unknown, we both silently hoped for the second option.

She hugged me tightly again, but pulled away after a moment. She sniffed at me a few times before an odd look came over her face. She slowly moved a foot away from me. "Bella, you smell… sweeter." I can't imagine what look came over my face, but she paused and continued. "I didn't notice it before, you have to be very close to smell the difference."

"What did you eat today?" she asked me.

"Toast." I replied, shrugging.

"Hmmm… well if your blood sugar is high I would be able to smell a slight variance… but this is more pronounced."

She rose and danced out the door before yelling for Edward.

Within seconds she and Edward were sitting next to me on the sofa again and Carlisle was re-seating himself in the chair.

Alice explained to the two the difference in my scent and the disappearance of my future. For a moment the room was quiet, and then I felt Edward lean down and begin to pointedly sniff my throat.

"Sweetheart," He began roughly as though controlling his voice, "I do smell a sudden change… and it's not extreme but... you've always smelled kind of, floral to me, but today you smell sweeter."

Carlisle was still looking at the two of us pensively. He cleared his throat suddenly, and began to speak. "Bella, I am developing a theory. Several things about you are different from the average human, and though before we just thought you unique," he smiled playfully, "now I am inclined to think that maybe you are indeed not an average human." He paused and took a breath. "Your scent is only the most recent of changes, though you have always seemed to have a peculiar effect on vampires. Consider poor Edward, your scent all but drives him mad." He smiled at Edward in a fatherly way, "And we are all quite proud of his extreme self-control." He continued, "But we also have witnessed the levitation, not to mention the way you seem to be the exception to most vampire abilities. Edward can not hear your thoughts, nor can Aro, and even Jane was not able to effect you." I shuddered. "You do not possess the natural aversion that most humans have when faced with us, and your body temperature is just plain odd."

While Carlisle was speaking, Edward was silent, his eyes growing wide as he considered my deviation from the normal human.

Suddenly he grinned lopsidedly, "And you seem to have a strong effect on men in general." He said to me. "Myself, Jacob, Mike Newton, Tyler Crowley… you have no idea how many sappy daydreaming fantasies I have to attempt to ignore, and from how many different men." He ended on a sour note. "I've never heard so many different thoughts from so many different males centered on one female than I did in the school cafeteria."

We all grew silent for a moment while everyone considered. I, of course, was downright confused and unhappy with the attention. Why me? Why do these things happen to me? I would love to just become a normal vampire and lead a normal vampire life with my soul mate, but of course not. No normal life for me.

Carlisle broke the silence yet again by chuckling. "Er, Bella, do you mind if I have a quick sniff?" I giggled. "As a doctor I can generally identify the variances in scent."

"Um, sure, if it will help." I stood up and made my way to the middle of the room and stood rigidly while Carlisle approached me and took several deep sniffs of my throat, each wrist, and the top of my head.

"As I suspected…" He muttered, before continuing more loudly. "I'm not sure about the variance, as I was not as familiar with your scent as Alice and Edward, but I do know that your blood smells abnormally sweet for a human. I also notice that you are secreting a nearly impossible amount of pheromones. Every human male who smells you would undoubtedly become instantly aroused." He said the last bit looking at Edward. "I can't pinpoint all of this without actual lab results; sense of smell even for vampires can be iffy, but with the amount of pheromones your body is releasing it seems that to a male human you would have more than ten times the seduction powers of a normal female. Basically, your body is subconsciously telling other humans that you are constantly aroused." He looked a bit uncomfortable near the end, but Alice began to chuckle.

"Bella, you poor thing!" she giggled, "Edward help her out a bit."

I blushed scarlet and I knew that Edward would as well if he could. Carlisle looked a bit uncomfortable but Alice continued to laugh. I betrayed myself when a small giggle escaped me, and suddenly Alice, Edward, and I were all giggling. Even a large smile escaped Carlisle. "Very funny Alice but I don't think anything could fix this, it seems that Bella's body just naturally secretes more than other females."

"This explains a lot." I mumbled.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thank you again everybody! I hope you liked this chapter, I think it was the longest so far. We are getting closer to discovering what's happening, but not quite yet! Thanks for hanging in there. Now REVIEW! Love, Hill**


	7. Chapter 7

**"Alice saw you and called us begging me to come find you." He paused for another moment. "Bella, Alice saw you here in the meadow and..." he stopped again, hesitating, and the look in his eyes was hard to interpret. "She saw you levitating."**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters or anything having to do with it. I heart you Stephenie Meyer, YOU ROCK!**

**Author's note: This is a long chapter, 7 pages! Yay! Sorry if the style is a bit different, I'm still not sure about this chapter. I may end up rewriting it… but I'll post what I have. Also, a lot of people have added me to their subscriptions but didn't review- and though I am flattered it's just not fair. :( Please Review! I need to know what you think!**

* * *

Edward and I sat in my truck, me driving and him in the passenger seat. We were silent, both of us wondering what was wrong with me. As morose as I was, I couldn't help but look up from the rainy highway and at Edward's profile. He was staring out the windshield and his features were twisted in thought. Above all, he was beautiful. I forced my eyes back to the pavement stretching ahead of me, watching the way the water splattered off the back tires of the next car. I had turned the radio off because sometimes the way the rain pounded on the old metal top of my truck could be so soothing. Nothing was as calming and at the same time depressing as driving on a rainy stretch of road, with nothing but the rain hitting the truck and an impossible mystery to distract me from the stretch of road under my gas pedal. This was something dear to me, my truck and all it represented, but today there was something else. Nervousness? Driving was making me uneasy, and though I had never minded the thought of leaving Forks for Alaska and a new eternity with Edward, something in me screamed at the thought of leaving these forests. Though I had lived in Arizona for years, something in me felt bound to these mossy trees, something in me told me that I was not complete unless I was here.

The thought was irritating and at the same time comforting. And I Bella, who could not go more than five minutes without Edward, realized that I needed to think.

"Edward?" I asked, without taking my eyes from the road.

"Yes love?" he replied, reaching over to rest his hand on my leg.

"Do you mind if I spend the afternoon at home with Charlie? I have some housework and things to do, and I promised Renee an email sometime last week, and poor Charlie hasn't had a real meal in days, and you know I think I should call Angela and catch up…"

In my peripheral I saw that Edward had turned his face to appraise me, and I turned to glance at him quickly. When we made eye contact I saw something in his face change for a split second and I knew he could see through my excuses; I knew that he recognized the frantic look in my eyes.

He took a deep breathe and said, "You just need some time to yourself?" He looked hurt; I could tell the idea was foreign to him; I could hardly stand it when he hunted, let alone ask him for time without him. "Just take the afternoon Bella, catch up on your to-do list… or just take some time and relax."  
"Edward," I said, putting my right hand on top of where his rested on my leg, "it's not you I need time from; you can stay if you want."

"I think you need time to think." His topaz eyes were a shade darker than they should have been so soon after hunting. His entire face was cold, hurt, and distant.

I didn't mean to hurt him and seeing his face so hard hurt me as well. I only wanted time to think, to try to figure out who I could be, I wanted to put the pieces together.

The rest of the car ride passed in silence, and when I reached the house Charlie's cruiser was gone. I knew he was still at the station.

I turned to look at Edward but he was already out of the truck and about to open my door for me. In a split second he had opened the door, unbuckled my seatbelt, and taken me in his arms. He kissed me fiercely and my heart beat uncontrollably in my chest. He grinned at me. "I love having that effect on you."

"Well," I thought for a moment and came to a realization, "After what Carlisle told us earlier, I wouldn't be surprised if I have more of a..." I hesitated before continuing, "…physical reaction than other women."

He laughed. "Well I don't mind that part."

I was glad to see that for the moment the mood between us had lifted, but when we entered the house it was silent again.

Edward sat me down on my feet and looked at me sadly. "So…" he began, but I interrupted him by grinning. "Will you be back tonight?" I asked him.

He smiled, obviously relieved that I still wanted him to spend the night with me. "Of course," he replied, "I'll be waiting for you."

I stood on my tip-toes, puckered up waiting for a kiss. He laughed at my face and reached down to kiss my forehead first, then he kissed my nose, and finally he gently kissed my now unpuckered lips. We paused for a moment, the kiss lingering, our lips pressed perfectly together, and I couldn't help but lean in to him. He smelled wonderful, like very subtle and sweet cologne, and his touch was electric. I wove my hands around his body, feeling the way it melted into mine, relishing in his sharp intake of breathe. I was reacting as usual, though my senses were very aware of his movements and of the way his hands traveled from my waist to my back and lost themselves in my hair. I was breathing rather heavily, all from a simple kiss, and he pulled away sighing.

"Bella." I looked at him questioningly, understanding why he always pulled away and wishing at the same time that he wouldn't. He merely shook his head sadly and repeated my name one more time. "I love you" he said, and I repeated it quietly back to him. With one last look into my eyes he turned and ran out the still open door and into the rain. I watched his white body moving away from me at an inhuman pace until he was gone.

* * *

I knew that I definitely was not going to do be doing housework this afternoon; I had several other things on my agenda. First thing first, I was freezing. The morning had begun warm, but as the afternoon wore on the air had cooled with the onslaught of rain. I made my way up to my room and stepped out of my shorts. For a moment my heart skipped a beat when I wondered if Edward was going to follow me all day and make sure I didn't get into trouble. Of course he would, and for a moment I cursed my self for not closing the curtains before pulling off my shorts. Then I grinned deviously as I imagined Edward being caught off guard by me suddenly pulling them off. I stood in my panties and sighed. The extra-sexual awareness was going to take some getting used to.

I went to my closet and reached inside for a pair of jeans. As I put them on they seemed short… and tight in odd places. I walked to the bathroom and sighed, and I growled as I looked in the full body mirror. My very favorite pair of jeans was at least three or four inches too short. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?" I yelled at the mirror. "UUURRRGH" I growled, as I turned to look at my behind. Yes, indeed, the jeans were a little fuller than before. My butt was looking quite round and a little more plump. "Well Jeez!" I said, and pulled off the jeans. What a pain in the butt, then I giggled. No pun intended.

I walked back to my room in my panties, dismayed, trailing my outgrown jeans on the floor. I considered for a moment, and walked right back to the bathroom with a pair of jeans that had been too long before.

I was going to merely put the jeans on, but instead I pulled every bit of clothing off my body and stared hard into the mirror. I was searching for any other changes, and for several minutes I stared at my face.

I knew this face well, and upon close examination I noticed that my eyelashes were a bit longer and fuller. I noticed that my lips seemed a tad more plump and my cheeks a tiny bit more rosy. My hair was glossy and not quite as frizzy as usual. It lay perfectly around my shoulders. I followed my gracefully curving neck and my eyes stopped on my breasts. I hadn't really looked at them in a while, but they seemed much fuller and larger.

I took a step away from the mirror, alarmed and overwhelmed. I looked like a completely different person! It was me, Bella, with much longer, shapely legs, newly developed hips, a round butt, real breasts...! Part of me was excited, part of me filled with terror. Beautiful Edward… was I finally beautiful enough for him? I thought for a moment and wondered why he hadn't noticed. I hadn't even noticed. I stared in the mirror, and realized that in just the few minutes I had been standing here, my breasts looked fuller even still.

In the course of just a few hours my body had undergone a complete metamorphosis, for reasons nobody really understood.

I growled one last time into the mirror. Did I need this? No. All I wanted was Edward, not a perfect body or face. This was all too much. I knew though, deep inside, that a part of me was truly happy. I felt beautiful and finally deserving of Edward's attention.

Sighing again, I put my panties and jeans back on, and walked shirtless back to my room. Apparently I was going to need a new bra, because even the sports bra I had been wearing was now looking uncomfortably too small. I cringed a little at the thought of not wearing one, but given the situation I didn't really have a choice. I finally decided on a dark blue t-shirt. I put it on and stared into the mirror, hoping it wasn't obvious. For a minute I was confused, but really, apparently they didn't need any support. Whatever I was becoming, if it involved never having to wear a bra again I wasn't complaining.

I put my wallet and cell phone in my jeans pocket and grabbed a jacket on the way out just in case it got any colder. I was warmer in my jeans and T-shirt than the shorts anyway.

I got in my truck and tried to collect myself for a minute.

I went over what we knew in my head. I could levitate, my body was changing and maturing, I was secreting extra hormones, I didn't have a normal sense of fear, I recently discovered a musical talent (new or merely unexplored I still didn't know), and my body temperature was on the fritz. What I couldn't understand was why I felt different. I went over my emotions from the past few days, trying to decipher any changes. The only thing I could find was a fondness for the forest that I had never realized before, and I couldn't quite figure out if I could attribute this sudden fondness to the realization that Edward and I would indeed be leaving Forks soon, possibly for good, or to the very recent changes in me. Everything was still very unclear.

I decided to consult the only person I knew, the person who knew the most folklore of anyone around here, the person who knew the forest better than anybody ever would, the person who I still couldn't truly bear to face: Jacob Black.

Jacob. My Jacob. I envisioned his smile, his tall muscular frame, his shaggy dark hair. I played his voice over and over in my head. I wasn't sure if I could stand to do this yet. The guilt overwhelmed me. I wasn't sure if I could stand to do this to _Jacob_. Hadn't I promised myself to leave him alone? To let him have a chance to forget me, instead of being so selfish and playing with his heart, and whether I planned to hurt him or whether my motives for remaining friends was pure, I knew I couldn't have both. I could never have Jacob Black and Edward Cullen both, not even if Jacob was just my friend. I knew who I had to choose, who I couldn't live without, but still, the decision to push Jacob out of my life hadn't been easy. Keeping Jacob in my life had only hurt him, and would going to him now be selfish? Yes, I knew it would be. But Charlie had asked me to call him… Is that because Jacob asked about me?

I was frustrated with myself because I couldn't decide what to do. Was it best to go to Jacob because I needed his help? It wasn't like me to be so impulsive, so indecisive… but I knew Jacob was the best shot at being able to figure out what was going on. So feeling very unlike myself, I started my truck and began the drive to La Push, trying hard not to think about what I was doing.

* * *

The drive was miserable, but the moment I parked in front of Jacob's small house I felt better. Everything here was the same and it was comforting. I was nervous, more nervous than ever before. There wasn't even a way to be sure right away whether Jacob was here, seeing as he didn't really need his Rabbit to get around any more. I took a deep breathe and made my way to the door. I knocked and stood there for several seconds, getting more and more hopeful that Jacob wasn't home so that I wouldn't have to face him. I was a chicken and I was angry at myself, but even more so I was angry at myself for doing this to Edward. I kept thinking of him, probably sitting at the treaty line waiting for my truck to re-enter his territory and wondering why I was going back on my promise. The bad part was that I knew Edward would never be bitter. He would never begrudge me this, and I almost wanted him to.

The seconds ticked by in silence and finally I began to breathe again as I spun on my heels and began towards my truck. That was when I saw him. He came around the corner of the garage and stopped dead to stare at me.

"Bella?" he asked, unbelieving. "Bella!" He repeated, the genuine smile that I loved on his face. "What are you doing here? I… I never thought. Did Charlie make you come?" He slowly stopped and looked at me accusingly. "You didn't have to come here, you know. If you were happy."

"Jake," I paused, my voice cracking slightly. I took in the way his brow was furrowed, his face frustrated, his broad shoulders hunched forward ever so slightly as he peered down at me. "I… I need your help."

The mask that I hated had started to take over, but he abandoned it and all I saw was my Jake. The concern in his eyes caught me off-guard. "Whatever you need, Bells, you know you came to the right place."

I sighed in relief. "You're not mad at me?"

He reached out and pulled me into a bear hug. At first my body tightened, but after a moment I melted into the hug, forgetting how warm Jacob's body was. It felt… different, and I knew that my body heat was probably rising as his hot skin touched me, and the feeling was like being dunked in a hot tub. My entire body relaxed.

"Jeez Bells, you're freezing."

"It's cold out here."

He pulled away and looked at me for a minute. "You know I couldn't stay mad for long. I'm dealing with things… and if loving you means just helping you when you need it, well then you know you will always be able to come to me. I mean…"

"What?" I asked.

He sighed. "Are you still… planning on… you know?"

"Marrying him?" We both cringed a little.

"Yeah… and the rest."

"It's still on if that's what you're asking." I answered, and the pain on his face was visible. "Oh." He said, "I was kind of hoping you changed your mind…"

I stared at his pained expression, wishing that things weren't so difficult, and hated myself for being here doing this to him.

"Oh." He said again. "Well I don't know about… about after. If I can handle that, I mean." He paused. "I still don't know about that."

"Seeing me changed?" I asked.

"Yeah." His voice cracked. "But maybe we can write letters?" He tried to smile.

"Maybe." I answered.

We stared at each other for a minute.

"You seem taller." He said. "Yeah," I replied, "That's part of what I need help with."

He laughed. "Well if you need me to make you shorter all I have is a saw, you'll have to consult Dr. Fang for the sterile solution. Mine may hurt." I laughed too.

"No, Jake," I was still laughing between words, "Can we go somewhere else to talk?" We were still standing rather awkwardly between his front door and my truck.

"Sure, where to?"

I thought for a moment. "Wanna just go on a walk?"

"Sure, sure," he said; all Jake; laid back like nothing ever happened between us.

We began walking, neither of us speaking for a moment. The wind was picking up; it was always windier here closer to the ocean. I could smell the salt water from down at the beach. I peered over at Jacob. He appeared sweaty and was rubbing one arm with the other, staring at me.

"Bella," he said, "You look different… and you smell different."

I grimaced; I had been hoping he wouldn't be able to smell the difference. I should have known though, his werewolf senses were nearly as strong as a vampire's.

"Oh?" I asked.

"Yeah, sweeter. And… sort of… I don't know. But you smell…" he gulped, "nice."

I giggled a little, remembering Carlisle's speech about my pheromones, before I realized I was upwind from Jacob. I quickly began to walk on his other side and he seemed better. "Thanks," he said.

I tried to focus on walking for a minute, but we were on a path in the forest now and the roots sticking out of the ground were a challenge for me. Or so they should have been… And that's when I realized I hadn't fallen down yet that day. Could it be? My clumsiness disappearing?

I knew the joy was showing on my face, and when I looked up at Jacob excitedly I noticed he wasn't next to me anymore. He had fallen back about a foot and was staring pointedly at my behind.

"Jake!" I exclaimed loudly. He looked up suddenly with a face like a guilty puppy. "Uh sorry Bells," he said roughly, "you just look really different."

"Ugh!" I cried, and reached to punch him in the arm. He just laughed and dodged me. "Jake, you're acting like a hormonal teenager."

"Bells, I am a hormonal teenager!" We both laughed as I chided him. "I can't believe you!" He laughed some more and I knew I was blushing. It was like old times, like old times with a bit more sexual tension. I was worried that knowing we loved each other would make hanging out as friends difficult; however, things weren't all that awkward. Things had always been easy between Jake and me. "I can't believe _you_," he answered pointedly, looking straight at my chest. "Oh JEEZ Jake!"

"Okay, okay sorry Bells, I won't stare at the beautiful woman walking next to me."

I knew that my face softened a bit because he took advantage of it by putting an arm around me. I sighed, wasn't he ever going to give in?

I knew though that my hormones were telling him I was interested and it angered me. I should be able to turn them off, shouldn't I?

I noticed, however, that his scent was also much different. It was stronger. It was… very strong. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I was smelling Jacob's pheromones! I cringed and realized that now he was upwind from me. I knew that I could deal with it, and I tried to ignore the scent though I could feel my body responding to it. I found myself unwillingly edging closer to Jacob's body, and I was fighting the impulse to do more…

"Ugh!" I suddenly growled out loud and shook myself from the arm Jake had put around me. "Seriously Jake."

"What?" He smiled innocently, the cocky Jake that I didn't like.

I felt my eyes widen and I pouted my lip just the tiniest bit. "You're making this so hard on me Jake."

His face fell and I saw my old Jacob again. "Sorry, just friends, I know." He edged away from me a bit and though my body urged me to touch him and the very distant part of my soul was screaming at me, I knew that the distance was absolutely necessary.

He walked ahead of me a bit and I followed him, trying to put everything together in my mind.

Finally we reached the beach and moved toward the old log we sat on the first time he told me about the Cullens.

We sat, and thankfully the wind was blowing into our faces now, giving us nothing to smell but the clean ocean air.

"Jake," I asked, "I need to know if there are any other creatures in your tribe's stories that you haven't told me about."

"What?" he asked, "Besides Werewolves and bloodsuckers?"

"Yes." I said. "Are there any others? Witches? Fairies? Mermaids?" He laughed and looked out over the ocean in thought. For several minutes he was silent and finally he said, "Yes, there is one I can think of, a female creature."

"What?" I asked excitedly.

"We call them the spirit women, though I know they were called Limoniads… I did a report on them once."

"Go on." I urged him.

"They're sort of like nymphs." My eyes widened but he continued. "They live in the forest clearings, I've never seen one but I've heard stories. Old Quil says they're rare though beautiful."

"Do you know any stories of them?" I asked him excitedly.

He thought for a moment and began to speak in a majestic voice. "There was a man, in the time of the spirit warriors. He was in his spirit form, watching the coast for enemy tribes. He drifted through the forest and came upon a clearing where a beautiful woman sang and bathed herself in a spring. She sang, and she heard his spirit approach. Her skin was white and she was unlike anything this warrior had ever seen. She begged his spirit to come back, and though she couldn't see him she knew he was there. He returned in his body though his brothers urged him not to go. She seduced him and made him fall in love with her, and he asked her to be his wife. She refused, saying that she could not leave the meadow. He tried to remain with her but the other spirit warriors brought him back. He could not live without her and he fell very ill. The women of the tribe tried to cure him but he fell more and more ill. He was the first of the spirit warriors to die a true death of body and spirit. His love for her killed his spirit." He concluded.

"Are there any others?" I asked.

"Just ones of different men coming across them in the forest, usually falling in love or else going insane over them."

"No… more personal stories? About a particular one?"

"No." He answered. "The only one I really remember is the one I told you."

"So you don't know how a woman… becomes one?"

He eyed me questioningly. "You think you're becoming one?" he asked, incredulously.

I took a deep breathe and looked in his eyes. "Jake, watch this."

I took a seat Indian style on the beach in front of him and tried hard to clear my mind. I imagined the meadow, the swaying of the trees, and the song Edward played on his piano. Suddenly I felt myself begin to rise off of the rocks and I opened my eyes. This time I stayed in the air long enough to see Jacob's expression before I fell back to the ground with a soft thud.

For almost a full second Jacob stared at me with his mouth open wide, and suddenly he jumped up and flew away from me. He stared at me, pointing. "Bella! WHA-WHAT!?"

I jumped to my feet and ran after him. "Jake, Jake, calm down!" I yelled, running to him. "I'm still me; I'm still Bella, Jeez!"

"But, you're… God Bella!"

"Jake," I teased, "I'm not God."

"Close enough." He said, "The spirit women are like goddesses, they protect the forests."

My eyes were wide, my mouth hanging open. "Why didn't you tell me this?"

"Well I didn't know it was this _important_! I thought you wanted to hear a story!"

"Tell me everything you know! NOW!" I said.

"They're like... they're beautiful, and they protect the forests, and they're fast, and they can fly, and… I mean... I'm no expert!"

"WAIT! Hold on a second! Fly? You mean that more than just float, I can fly?"

"Well, if the legends are true than yes, you can fly, if that's what you are I mean. Wait; hold on, what else is different besides your body and being able to float?"

I thought for a moment and explained to him the other things we'd noticed, even somewhat sheepishly about the sexual awareness. His eyes widened at first but soon he began to laugh. "I knew you weren't normal."

"Do you think this is what I am?"

"I think it's the best explanation you have so far."

Suddenly I was fearful. "Jake what does this mean?"

He thought for several seconds, looking into my eyes searchingly. "It means that I'm going to go insane for laying eyes on someone so beautiful…"

My eyes softened. "Ah Jake come on, you know that's not my fault."

He laughed but grew serious. "I don't think he can change you now Bella." He smiled and reached out to hug me but my heart dropped and I fell to my knees.

"What?" I asked, hoping I had heard wrong. Did this mean I could never become a vampire?

**

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Author's note: Sorry about the cliffy but it's 3 a.m. and I worked a double today. I need to sleep. I promise I will write some more tomorrow okay? Love, Hill


	8. Chapter 8

**"Alice saw you and called us begging me to come find you." He paused for another moment. "Bella, Alice saw you here in the meadow and..." he stopped again, hesitating, and the look in his eyes was hard to interpret. "She saw you levitating."**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters or anything having to do with it. I heart you Stephenie Meyer, YOU ROCK!**

**Author's note: Sorry guys for how long it has taken me to update. It's been some serious writer's block coupled with a very busy schedule. I'm having a problem with indecision-I can't decide how to end this story. I have about ten ideas for where it will go- but yeah. Sorry for all the hubbub... I promise to start updating more regularly. I hope you still love me.**

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I was on my knees, staring at the ground. My life had suddenly been turned upside down, because none of the changes that had occurred in the last few days were anything compared to the sudden news that I might not be able to become a vampire. My heart was racing, my skin was becoming clammy, and my eyes were tearing up. A slow sob escaped my chest.

Jake was on his knees in front of me in less than a second, reaching a hand out to calm me.

"Bella, please, we don't know for sure yet." I could see the pain and alarm in his face. "I never knew it was so," he hesitated, "important to you."

My one lone sob had multiplied, and many sobs shook my brand new body unrelentingly. I couldn't think, couldn't comprehend. My mind was blank and the news was tearing a hole through the pit of my stomach, through my very being. I needed Edward and I needed to give him my life, I needed him to change me and make me entirely his again. Just the barest possibility was enough to make my head spin and make me grasp the ground as tears and sobbing shook me like a child. I wrapped my arms around myself and continued to cry, refusing to accept the sun shining on my back or the warm dark eyes that were full of pain at the sight of my own pain. I let my mind go and waited for the darkness to consume me.

Suddenly the sobs shook with less intensity, my body felt far away, and for a moment I greeted unconsciousness with welcome.

Quickly and effortlessly all of the physical pain stopped entirely. I could no longer feel my body at all. I felt light, I felt strong, and yet I was in agony still.

I could see my body, as if I were floating high above it, staring down. My own frailty scared me. I looked quite small and broken, lying on the stony beach in front of a terrified Jacob. He lifted my body gently, and held me to his chest. He spoke in low whispers.

"Bella, wake up, come on!" his voice was a desperate plea. He darted to the water and came back with his hands cupped with sea water, splashing my face lightly. Still my body was limp and empty. I watched the scene with detachment, wondering why I was still lucid, wondering how I could be unconscious and whether I was dreaming. There was a miserable dull ache that followed me still, and I drifted away. I let the pain lead me away from the scene on the beach and I watched as Jake scooped up the lifeless girl and the two of them grew smaller and smaller in the distance.

I felt like air, and I drifted over the coast and into the forest, over the trees and homes of Forks and toward the meadow I loved so much. And when I reached the meadow's shelter I stopped.

The world appeared to me in a different light, bathed in an eerie glow, each living object emitted its own light, the greenest flourishing trees shone like lanterns in the dark forest, and the older damaged trees shone a light that was barely visible, as if they were hanging on to life feebly.

Women danced in the trees… women made of light. The outlines of their silvery bodies danced more gracefully than even Alice. Each creature was beautiful, flawless and statuesque, and oddly, I realized that each of them was dancing towards me. Each woman fell to her knees before me in turn, bowing her beautiful head gracefully. I felt disoriented but suddenly a sea of voices flooded my mind.

"Sister" they sang, "You have come to us."

I had no mouth. I focused my attentions instead on the women before me and asked in my mind, "Who are you?"

"We are your humble servants," the group replied in unison, "We ask only for your protection and vow to serve you, our queen."

I was beyond the point of surprise, and my human thoughts were gone, my human rationality abandoned, and an instinct so strong it overwhelmed me drove me to reply. "I will protect you and serve you." Each woman dipped her head even lower to my response, and slowly each danced closer to me while I felt their hands reach for my own silver body. Each touch was warm and the figures sang to me their utter joy at my appearance. In my mind a hundred voices thanked me and pledged their allegiance.

The hours wore on as my silvery shadow of a body flew over land and water, over forest and meadows and rivers. I watched the mountains glide below me, I saw the clouds as they whispered each other along, urging their kin onward across the heavy dark night. The light had grown dim and diminished entirely before I was capable of thought again. When I was, the complete pain of being unable to change mixed with the disoriented and uncomfortable feeling of being without a body was too much for me. I ached the natural wholeness of a body, and I knew that my spirit was forcing me to return to myself. As I neared the beach in La Push I continued on, knowing that Jacob had returned my body to his house. With a sound less audible than a whisper I slid in through a cracked window and observed a surprising scene. The entire pack from La Push was there, along with Edward, Carlisle, and Alice. I had no time to think, no time to wonder why the wolves and vampires had overlooked the treaty, the urge to re-join my body was too great. I faintly noticed Carlisle's voice, confused, saying that physically I seemed fine, that I just didn't seem to be there.

Quickly, and with the most comfortable relieving feeling, I felt myself slide back into my body. Each nerve tingled as I returned to it, each cell and fiber greeting me warmly, regretting every second of my absence, and the discomfort of disembodiment was lost entirely. For several moments I kept my eyes closed, registering the tingle of my body. I felt movement, and simultaneously I felt a very cold hand embrace my right hand and an extremely hot hand embrace my left. I opened my eyes, and not knowing where to turn first, Carlisle loomed over me.

"Bella? Bella!" I saw his face lighten and become relieved, and suddenly the room erupted in cheers and shouts of "She's awake!"

I could see the sky outside the window and I knew that it was late. How long had I been gone? My mind was cloudy, foggy, and for the life of me I couldn't seem to remember… a dim recollection of silver, of flying, and then nothing. Edward and Jacob both leaned over me and I saw one topaz eye and one warm dark eye, half of each face. Suddenly I groaned and closed my eyes again.

This was too much, I needed sleep. My body was begging me to give in and let the sleep overwhelm me, it needed time to re-adjust to the changes and to the stress it had endured while I was absent. Mindlessly, I obliged.

**More author's note: Sorry guys for such a short chapter. Mega-migraine. (excuses excuses) Is anyone else excited about Breaking Dawn?! Midnight release, August first, party starts at ten! I CAN'T WAIT!!**


	9. Chapter 9

**"Alice saw you and called us begging me to come find you." He paused for another moment. "Bella, Alice saw you here in the meadow and..." he stopped again, hesitating, and the look in his eyes was hard to interpret. "She saw you levitating."**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters or anything having to do with it. I heart you Stephenie Meyer, YOU ROCK!**

**Author's note: Again, this chapter is kind of short. Sorry guys, once I get home at night I'm too tired to write for a long time. My new promise is, however, that I will post short chapters extremely frequently! Deal? Great! Onward ho!**

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When I woke, the room had emptied quite a bit. I was extremely groggy and it took me a moment to register my surroundings. Suddenly I noticed the old wood paneling and slowly peeling ceiling paint of Jacob Black's living room. I tried to sit up too fast and my head spun. Jerking myself upright I stared around, suddenly my eyes locked on a beautiful pale face that was twisted in concern.

"Bella, sweet Bella," he gushed and reached for my face, "are you feeling alright?" He stroked my cheek gently and let his fingers become tangled in my hair. I couldn't help but let a weak smile slip out.

"That's what I've been waiting to see." He continued, referring to my smile and smiling back at me himself. "You were out all day yesterday and for most of the night, love. Do you need anything? Jacob's gone outside to talk to Sam; he'll be back in a moment…" At the mention of Jacob's name I saw his face turn slightly sour but he was trying to mask his emotions from me. I stared at his tousled bronze hair and his brow, arched in concern for me, his love, and I replied, "Only you Edward," I reached out to stroke his cheek. "All I need is you." I repeated.

We stared at each other in silence for a few minutes, and I reached out for his hand. He sat next to me and pulled me up into his lap, resting my head in the crook between his collarbone and chin.

"Bella you're freezing." He commented once his body was wrapped around mine. I saw him scanning the room with his eyes for any sort of throw or afghan to separate me from him, but I reminded him that my body heat was no longer an issue. "I feel fine, Love," I reassured him. He seemed cheered by the idea and a light smile graced his lips. "I enjoy holding you without the fear of freezing you to death."

"I've never minded, though this is more convenient." I smiled as I replied.

Though the moment was sweet I knew that a million questions were eating away at Edward, and I knew that it was only for my comfort that he was keeping himself from flooding me with them. For the time being, we were happy to be re-united because I knew that after so much mystery surrounding my body and health, this sudden turn of events must have left Edward absolutely terrified. Something about the night, however, had brought an unusual sense of calm that flooded my mind and body. I half expected to see Jasper standing in the doorway smiling benevolently as he worked his gift on my worrywart mind, but I knew that this time Jasper had nothing to do with my sudden change in temperament. This time the change was far more permanent and far too pronounced. While Jasper's gift only created the illusion of calm in my mind, this calm was real and thick like syrup that flooded my veins. I felt like the Bella I knew was still the shell of a girl on the beach in Jacob's arms. There was a sense of purpose in my muscles now, a feeling of confidence.

Suddenly Edward raised his fingers to his temples. "Oh, not now Alice." He mumbled.

Less than a moment later the pixie-like vampire peered around the corner of the door into the kitchen and looked at me. Something in her eyes frightened me, was it anger? I couldn't tell, I couldn't remember if Alice had ever been angry with me before… I couldn't take my eyes off of her but I felt Edward move his head the tiniest fraction and whisper, "You are not bringing this up to her now." The room was silent and I knew she answered him in her mind because a moment later he said, "I know, it's torturous, but she isn't ready to talk about it yet." I knew she was arguing with him more. "Alice, no. We'll talk about it later… better yet I will talk to her." I couldn't tell the expression on his face from where I was tucked under his chin, and his voice was too quiet to register the subtle intonations and accents that indicate temperament. For one last moment she stared pointedly at him, and I heard him sigh. Then as quickly as she had come she turned on her heel and marched away.

"What was that all about?" I asked him timidly.

"Nothing love, she is just going to go home to keep Jasper company. Everyone is so worried about you that the emotions are driving him crazy."

"And the other part?" I inquired.

"What other part, that was it." He said.

"What is she not allowed to talk to me about?"

For a moment he was silent and then he pulled me out of his lap and turned me to face him. "What are you talking about?" he asked me, staring into my eyes.

I sighed, disgruntled. "You just told her that she can't talk to me about something that is torturing you that you are going to talk to me about!"

Edward's jaw dropped nearly to the floor. He was breathless. "How? Whaaaaa? Why?" I was more confused than ever.

For several second no one spoke, both of us confused.

"Bella," he said, "I said all of that in vampire volume… your ears… human ears wouldn't have been able to hear any of that."

I stared at him incredulously. "Do it again." I finally said.

His smile leaked out, crooked as always. "Bella, you are the love of my life." He said. His words sounded like a whisper, but yes, they were indeed audible.

"Oh Edward!" I exclaimed, "This is wonderful! I feel so less," I hesitated, "helpless!" I finished.

He smiled tentatively; hiding a pained expression as he gently pulled me back into position lying against his chest. Before I had a chance to question him further about what he needed to talk to me about, a stream of curses came echoing through the living room.

"GOD DAMN YOU SAM! I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT, OKAY? DO WE HONESTLY NEED ANOTHER RUNNER RIGHT NOW? QUIL IS OUT THERE… HE'S GOT THREE HOURS LEFT." I heard a pause in Jacob's voice and then the screen door slammed. "I DON'T CARE!" he yelled, even louder than before. "I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE!"

I was alarmed over the yelling and I glanced at Edward's face. He was smiling gleefully and concentrating hard.

"Edward!" I chided him. "Mind your own business!"

He laughed a bit and looked at me, the pained expression lingering but a new expression of hilarity dotting his features.

"Poor Jacob is driving the pack crazy… well that and it seems that he and Sam are going to be having it out."

"Over what?" I asked, curiously.

"Leadership of the pack." He replied.

I felt my jaw drop. "But Jake doesn't want to be leader!"

"He does, he just won't admit it yet." Edward replied. He rubbed his temples again. "A werewolf mind is just exhausting… as interesting as that of a vampire, and as sophisticated, yet completely different..." he mused, his voice trailing off as Jacob peered into the room.

I saw his warm, dark eyes harden as he observed me lying gently against Edward's chest, but he kept his voice cheerful. "So, Bells, I see you're awake, need anything?" He ignored Edward.

"I'm great, or maybe a glass of water?" I asked timidly as I shifted a bit to the left. "Sure, no problem."

Minutes passed in silence before he returned with an old faded purple tumbler filled with water.

Finally Jacob addressed Edward. "Is Carlisle coming back to look at her, or are you taking her now?"

Promptly, Edward replied. "He actually spoke to me earlier. We were wondering if we could have a meeting with some more members of your tribe, to see if any of the Elders are more familiar with this phenomenon."

Jacob nodded curtly but said nothing.

"Ah, we thought that might be a problem." Edward said quietly. "Is there anything you can do?"

For my benefit Jacob replied out loud. "I may be able to change their minds, the soonest I can rally them all up though would be tonight, if not tomorrow night. They're old, they hate short notice."

Promptly again, Edward said, "In the mean time I was hoping to take her home, Carlisle can look at her then. With the pack's permission we can return tonight."

"I'll see to it that you don't come across trouble from any of my brothers." Jacob said. "I can call Charlie's when I know for sure when the Elders will gather."

Chivalrously Edward handed Jake his cell phone. "Here, just use this to call Bella's phone when you know. It's programmed in there."

Jake looked down at the phone for a minute and mumbled. "Well that's convenient."

Both turned to look down at me and I glanced around uncomfortably. "Sounds like a plan," I said, though part of me was just wishing for a few minutes to get my head straight.

Jacob looked at me one last time with an attempt to hide the pain from his face. No cocky Jake, just my old Jacob, with a face like he was trapped in a nightmare. I cringed. What kind of a horrible person was I, to make him endure this pain again on my behalf?

Ten minutes later, after bidding Billy goodbye and saying a quick goodbye to the rest of the pack members who lounged outside, Edward and I were in his car cruising back to Forks, my old bumpy truck left outside Billy's house.

For several minutes we rode in silence. "Edward!" I suddenly exclaimed. 'Where's Charlie? Does he know? Is he worried?"

Edward smiled a tiny smile and placed his hand on my knee. "Alice went to him and told him that you weren't feeling well and that you had fallen asleep watching a movie with her and requested that you be allowed to spend the night."

I smiled but after a moment I asked another question. "Do you think it's wrong to keep him in the dark like this?"

Edward's eyes softened. "I wish he could know it all Bella, but do you think he would like me any more, knowing how dangerous I am to you?" I sighed, knowing he was right. "Plus," he continued, "If he knew you were ill he would have taken you to the hospital and you would have been such a medical enigma we'd have a hard time getting you out of the grasp of a million medical fanatics. We don't need the media poking their head into this and exposing us all."

I considered, but I knew he was right. The risk of this getting out was too great for even my own father to be involved.

"Edward," I asked, "Why is Jake going to have a hard time getting the tribe together?"

He sighed. "It's complicated." He said. "See, Jacob and Sam disagree on how much the tribe should trust us. Jacob trusts me though he dislikes me, and Sam thinks we are using you as a pawn to infiltrate their lands and break the treaty. He thinks that I'm using you because I know that you're his only weak spot."

"Oh wow." I said, taken aback that Sam could be so paranoid. I voiced my thoughts. "Isn't that just paranoia? And a bit extreme?" I added.

"No, not really." Edward responded, "Not when he has the welfare of his tribe to be protecting. We could be a threat and he is being cautious. I have nothing but respect for Sam." He paused, the continued. "Jacob and Sam are quickly creating a rift in the tribe. Some think that Jacob is the rightful leader by blood and that he is entitled to lead no matter what. What's more, Sam's father was a bit of a drunkard and a dead-beat so they believe he's of bad blood." He paused. "Others, including about half of the pack members, think that Sam is right and that Jacob is ignoring a threat to the tribe because he's blinded by his," he paused for a fraction of a second, "feelings for you," he concluded and looked at me.

He continued, "Most of the Elders hate us Cullens, merely for what we are, and they support Sam, so Jacob thinks it will be nothing short of impossible to get them to hold council with us. It goes against their very beliefs."

"So," I asked, "How were you allowed there just now?"

"Oh," he said, "Just through the blood of Ephraim Black, Jacob has enough power to veto the treaty of his own accord."

"Ah." I said, feeling awful that my dilemma was creating a rift in the pack and possibly in the tribe itself.

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**More Author's note: Thanks Again for reading! Please comment this time? Please? I take it as a measurement of the story's success to have a lot of comments, and seriously, 35? That's not cool. Unless you think this story sucks please leave me a comment! :D**

**Thanks again, and have a wonderful day!**


	10. Chapter 10

**"Alice saw you and called us begging me to come find you." He paused for another moment. "Bella, Alice saw you here in the meadow and..." he stopped again, hesitating, and the look in his eyes was hard to interpret. "She saw you levitating."**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters or anything having to do with it. I heart you Stephenie Meyer, YOU ROCK!**

* * *

The rest of the ride passed in silence. Edward's right hand rested in mine and he drove with his left, and we shared a few moments of closeness but said nothing. I knew that this whole situation was eating Edward, not to mention the stress that I knew he was feeling over the confusion in the tribe. If too great a rift was created, who knew if Sam's following would decide to war with the Cullens and drive them from Forks once and for all? It was clear to me now that wherever I was, trouble would follow.

We edged nearer to the Cullen mansion, the day wearing on as shadows grew longer. The trees that lined the drive to the house completely obscured the cloudy sky. The brilliance of the colors astounded me, lately every thing I looked at seemed more highly defined.

When we reached the house Edward was out of his seat and at my side of the car, holding my door open before I could even unbuckle my seatbelt. He gathered me up in his arms for a quick embrace. The sudden gesture left my heart racing and my mind a bit unsettled. Again, Edward was touching me as if it was the last time. I knew that the situation scared him, but the thought of anything creating a rift between us was absurd, I mean, our love defied even death and the very rift of time itself. Together we entered the large front door, and though I expected him to direct me to the parlor where the rest of the family seemed to be, he hurried me up to his room. As I gripped the banister, however, about to take the first steps by twos, an extremely faint footstep sounded behind me. I stopped abruptly and peered over my shoulder. Edward was already stopped. Rosalie stood in the foyer, arms to her sides, staring at me with an open mouthed expression on her face. I turned to look at Edward, the expression on his face confused and angry. His eyes were narrowed as he stared at her, though she paid no attention to him whatsoever. Her eyes were on me, sweeping my body and face uncomfortably, and her face was the dark beautiful face of envy. For a moment all was silent.

"Erm, hello Rosalie." I managed.

She nodded her head in what appeared a very painful effort, and turned to look at Edward. Just once, they made eye contact and then she was gone.

Without waiting to hear what her mind had revealed to my beloved I continued up the stairs, taking two at a time, wishing I could run faster. His room seemed miles away. Finally I came in view of the enormous wrought-iron bed posts, the great silky golden comforter of his bed, the plush carpets of his room, the large squishy sofa, and I sighed in relief. Mindlessly I made my way to the bed and kicking my shoes off as I simultaneously buried my face in the pillows. My body shook with silent tears though I felt betrayed as they escaped my eyes and doused his pillows. I felt the weight of his cold body as he climbed into bed with me, and his cold marble arms as he wrapped them around me. Silently he lifted me, so that now I cried to his shoulders rather than his pillows. For what felt like a very long time, he held me, and inside my head I fought a hard battle. The pain of Jacob's words on the beach threatened to overwhelm me and I pushed it back to the safest place in that very distant part of my mind. Even so, tears came out.

Edward rubbed his hands up and down my back in an effort to soothe me, and it worked somewhat. I could never resist him, or his relentless and almost annoying selfless behavior. He should be furious with me, and yet, again he was comforting me. I felt like a monster. Here I had betrayed my fiancé, my one and only true love, I had gone back on my word and forced more pain on Jake after I had promised not to torture him again, and this time my selfishness might tear apart an entire people! I was appalled. I was hurting everybody. Not to mention whatever was eating Rosalie, though of course I knew that it was going to be my fault. My body shook with the hopelessness of it all, wanting to take back every ounce of pain that I had caused for the people I loved.

After a very long time I felt that I had cried myself out, and I raised my face to peer up at Edward's. He forced a smile and ran his hand from where it rested in my hair, to wipe the stray hairs from where they stuck to my damp face.

"Please calm down, love, I can't stand to see you in so much pain." He said. I could tell from the tortured look in his eyes that he meant it. My pain was his, and his mine, and I felt that we were drowning together.

"Have you missed him this much?" he asked, carefully and quietly.

For a moment I was unsure what he meant, and suddenly I snapped my face up to look him in the eye. They were honey colored, though dark with anguish. Suddenly things made sense to me. Suddenly I knew why Alice was upset, and I wanted to kick myself.

"I feel so selfish." He said, simply. "Please, if you love him, go to him. I love you, I need you, but I can't stand to see your pain. Be happy, Bella." His voice was choked, and he turned to look out the wall of windows. "For God's sake, please." I could tell how the words sounded strangled, I could feel how his words told me that I could go if it was my wish, and I felt the way his body betrayed him. His fingers grasped me tighter and his entire body held onto me with desperation. I knew that he didn't mean a word of what he said.

"For God's sake Edward," I said, mimicking him, "Please stop thinking that anything could EVER rival the love I have for you." I stared into his eyes as I saw a bit of the tightness relax. He finally took a breath.

"Is this why you've been acting strange, you think I've changed my mind?"

He was quiet and finally said, "Well yes, the way your future disappeared from Alice's vision, and though she tried to tell me it was fine, I was worried. Then you went to him, and you were gone so long. Finally, when Carlisle came home and said that Jacob had contacted him at the hospital and asked us to the reservation, I feared for the worst: that you'd planned to make your change of heart public to the tribe and to my family."

I was flabbergasted, and suddenly furious. "Edward! How could you even think me possible of something so, so, Horrible!" I stuttered in my anger. "How could you think I would ever be so heartless?" He stared out the window silently, unwilling to answer me. I disentangled myself from his limbs to stare at him, daring him to meet my eyes. "Oh Edward," I continued, my heart breaking with each word, suddenly realizing why he thought me so capable of inflicting pain. "Please, please believe me. I love you with all of my heart and soul. I want you for eternity." My stomach tightened at the memory of Jacob's words. I continued, "Please Edward? I would never do such a thing, and I promise you, I am not changing my mind, nor will I ever."

He turned his eyes to look at me, his expression softened. "Why did you go to see him? If you don't want him..?" His expression was pained, though I knew that in all of this he was not furious at me. He may be hurt, but if anything he blamed himself and it drove me insane. For all of the help that Jake's knowledge had been, I had done something wrong to both of them and he deserved to be angry.

"Honestly, I wasn't thinking. I just knew that of everyone, Jacob would have the best knowledge of what is happening to me."

"And how is that?" He asked, still hurt, but skeptical now.

"I thought, and I know this sounds crazy, but I thought that there may be more creatures around here than just vampires and werewolves."

"And you thought you might be one of these said creatures?" he asked.

"…Maybe?" I said.

He considered for a moment. "I saw this in his thoughts… a limoniad? Or something of the like?" he said. "He didn't think of it much, he was too concerned with you waking up."

Shamefully I looked at my feet. I hated being the reason that Edward had to hear about another man's feelings for me, even if they were only thoughts.

"Yes, something like that." I said.

For a moment we were both silent. Then he wrapped his arms around me again and pulled me into his arms once more. "You know, I'm not angry with you for seeing him. It is still your choice."

"Yes but it's a choice that always seems to hurt everyone. I only wanted to know what was going on with me, I never really thought about the can of worms it would open."

"I can understand that, Bella, I want to know what is wrong with you too, and if Jacob Black is the person to help us, I am even more eternally in debt to him than before."

I appraised his face curiously, but I saw not a trace of anything but the genuine sincere set of his mouth and I knew he meant what he said.

"Edward?" I needed to know one more thing. "Is the rift in the tribe my fault?"

He sighed, not wanting to answer the question. "If you're asking if you are the reason, then no, you are not. This problem has been brewing ever since Sam was the first to change and leadership never passed over to Jacob. You are just something Sam's side is using for ammunition to prove Jacob's weaknesses and inability to lead."

"So it didn't start with me visiting?"

"Of course not, Bella, this was going to happen one way or another."

I sighed. "I wish Alice could see their future." Edward sighed. "I wish she could see yours." He teasingly reminded me, then smiled.

I giggled a bit and he snaked a hand around to tickle my armpits. "Edward!" I squealed. "Stop that!"

"No!" he laughed too, rolling on top of me and pinning me to the bed. I laughed uncontrollably, kicking my legs and screaming, trying to make him stop. My abs were quaking with laughter and tears were poking out of my eyes.

Finally he relented and smiled at me deviously. "Since when do you tickle me?" I asked, out of breathe.

"The thought never occurred to me before." He smiled still. "It's been so long since I was human that I forgot about tickling. I saw it on t.v. the other day and realized it was an extremely easy way to hear that beautiful laugh of yours."

I moaned. "Well no more!" I said playfully, though I knew that I probably wouldn't mind if he did it again.

"Okay," he said. "I guess I'll have to do this instead." Without another word he leaned forward and pressed his cold lips to mine. The smell of him was intoxicating, the sweet way our lips meshed together left me breathless. After only a moment I pried my hands from where he held them above my head and tangled them in his bronze hair. My world faded away completely, and there was nothing to me but Edward. I pulled my mouth away ever so slightly and kissed his lips more tenderly, begging him for more. I felt his breathing grow ragged as he ran his hands through my hair, and everything was spinning. I pulled away and took a long much-needed breathe, and before I knew it Edward was kissing my neck and collarbone instead of my lips. He paused at my throat and ran his ice cold tongue along my veins, leaving a trail of venom in his wake. I shuddered with the danger but more from his display of unyielding love. He was so averse to hurting me that he would let his razor sharp teeth come so near my throat, and yet I trusted him, were he to bite me I would only glory in his venom penetrating my veins: such was our love.

He paused in his trail of kisses and rested his chin on my chest, looking up at where I rested on the pillows. "Bella, there is something bothering me still."

I sighed, a little peeved that anything was going to interrupt what he was doing. "What is it?"

"Jacob's thoughts were very jumbled, but he kept coming back to the moment before you passed out. I watched you sink to your knees and cry in his memory, but he never thought of the reason for your pain."

I hesitated, my breathe caught in my throat. "Was it so terrible?" He purred, running a finger along my cheekbone.

"Yes, terrible." Was the only answer I could choke out.

"Please tell me Bella." I saw his eyes were tortured again. "I want to know what you're thinking, I want to know what caused you so much pain." I saw sudden anger flare in his eyes and I knew what he was thinking.

"No Edward, Jacob didn't do anything to hurt me. It was just something he said."

Edward's eyes were still murderous. "What did he say to you?" He demanded.

"Just, after he said that he thought I may be a spirit woman, or whatever he called them, he mentioned that he didn't think…" I was trying hard to choke it out, "didn't think I could, you know, change now." I felt my face fall and I knew I had grown pale. The pain behind that giant wall in my mind was threatening to overwhelm me, and I tugged at Edward. He planted his knees on either side of me and pulled me to bury my face in his chest. A tear escaped me.

"Oh Bella," he said. He held me tight, and after a moment he leaned down gently and whispered, "Don't worry for now, Love, we will work everything out."

"It terrifies me Edward." Was all I could manage.

"I know, but we both know by now that nothing can keep us apart, not even ourselves," he added grimly. "We love each other too much."

For what felt like a long time he silently held me.

Finally I asked him the question that had been bothering me since the moment on the stairs. "What was wrong with Rosalie earlier?"

"Ah, that." He said with a grim smile. "To be honest, she's envious."

I was surprised. "Of what?" I sputtered.

"You're more beautiful than she is." He stated simply.

"What?" I was at a loss for words. "You're kidding."

"No." he said matter-of-factly. "Have you looked in the mirror lately? You are simply dazzling. Far more beautiful than she is."

My head spun. "I realized that my body is getting different…" I said.

"So did I." He said, and smiled.

"You noticed?" I said, hopeful. "Yes," he said, "Though you were just as beautiful to me before, now I'm just going to have to compete with a bigger army of men who want you."

I laughed. "I only want one of them… and his name is Ed-ward-cull-en." I said, tapping the tip of his nose with each syllable and smiling.

"Good." He smiled. "as it should be for soon to be Mrs. Is-a-Bell-a Cull-en" and he tapped my nose in the same gesture. I giggled though I made a sour face. He sighed and playfully blocked my sour face from his vision. I felt him touching my ring tenderly.

In my ear, I heard him whisper. "I love you Isabella Swan, and you know I can't wait to call you my wife."

"I love you too, Edward Cullen" I said, and added, "and I can't wait to be yours for eternity."

His lips met mine for the briefest of moments and he began to hum my lullaby. For a moment I listened intently, though for once sleep didn't matter to me. I felt my voice rise on his hum and I sang the notes sweetly back to him.

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**Note: And now REVIEW! :D Have a nice day, love, Hillary**


	11. Chapter 11

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"**Alice saw you and called us begging me to come find you." He paused for another moment. "Bella, Alice saw you here in the meadow and.." he stopped again, hesitating, and the look in his eyes was hard to interpret. "She saw you levitating."**

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, any of its characters, or anything having to do with it. I heart you Stephenie Meyer, YOU ROCK!

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**Author's note: **

**Hello Everyone! I'm so, so, so, so, infinitely sorry that it has been so long. I have a year's worth of excuses for you, but something tells me you do not want to hear them. =D We'll just go on then, as if all was well. (I want you to know I still love you, just in case you were considering whether to still love me.) I will be updating regularly again on this story. I really do know exactly what is going to happen and believe me it blows even my mind so hang in there! It might get a little bit crazy but I'm hoping for some real action packed plot coming up here shortly. So happy reading! Onward ho!**

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Chapter 11: The Beautiful Life the Most Beautiful Dead  
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In the next few days Charlie's soft spot for Alice became evident. Somehow she convinced him to let me stay with her at an "out of town camp" that was supposed to be some sort of jump-start college preparation. With Charlie out of mind Edward and I were able to concentrate on my newest changes. Not only was I still the virtual lizard and some sort of Greek Siren, I was now also able to focus my levitation for longer than just a few seconds. It become apparent that sleep and food were no longer necessary but just a comfort I could choose if I wanted. Beneath the carefully crafted smiles of the entire family I could see genuine concern over what was happening to me.

Edward and I stood on the riverbank near the great white house as night was steadily falling. The last two days had been filled with the tension of the unknown, however after the emotional scene in Edward's bedroom I was careful to mask all of my extreme worries. There was still the terror that I might never be able to change, there was still a terror over what I was becoming, however for the sake of it all and for the rest of the family I was doing everything I could to put a positive face on things. Now, Edward and I were playing around with my levitation ability.

"Focus, Bella" he purred, trying to help me stay in the air. The sound of his voice always leaked into my concentration and I fell with a light thud. I was suddenly a little more grateful for the extra padding on my rear.

I smiled a weak smile and thought I might as well try again. Since we had no real answers for anything yet, Carlisle had proposed that the best thing to do was wait and see what new situation would present itself. In the meantime he had suggested I might as well experiment and make sure we were aware of all the details of my new abilities, and any other minor details we had failed to identify.

I was still hazy as to the afternoon at the beach with Jacob. I knew I had somehow gone out of body but how? The complexity of being in a spirit form overwhelmed me and I was still too terrified to mention the information to either Carlisle or Edward. It had not happened again but lightly I had pondered whether only emotional torment such as what I had been faced with on the beach would be its only catalyst, and if so I was willing to never experience it again.

In the meantime I had become overwhelmed with a new fear. I just could not keep my concentration on trying to fly and I could see that Edward was also distracted.

"You look exhausted, Love" He moved toward me and stroked the side of my face with his marble smooth hand.

"It's so odd to feel so high strung and tired but have no urge to sleep..." I replied and he smiled knowingly.

"I could not sympathize with you more." I knew what he meant. After the week we'd had I knew that we all needed some small escape and sleep would be as welcome for him as it would be for me, if only it brought me the same relief it had used to. Now it was like a way to choose unconsciousness and nothing more.

"I think Carlisle was hoping to make another examination tonight." He tried hard to smile but we both understood how Carlisle felt. He had no answers and his compulsive policing of my vital signs was his only way of calming himself down in the face of this unknown.

I was sick of everyone considering me and what I was becoming. I was terrified. I had considered this before, this fear. I was the unknown, and while we knew what vampires were and what made them dangerous, and we knew what werewolves were and we knew what made them dangerous as well, we did not know what I was becoming, and therefore we had no way to know whether I was going to become dangerous. This alone was my worst fear.

What did I fear in this life? Not much considering my fiance and best friend were two supposedly terrifying mythical creatures. I had no fear in the face of getting killed or injured either apparently, as I was able to junk out on adrenaline by cliff diving and motorcycle riding... I had never feared much... or, more exactly, never feared for myself before. However I was utterly paralyzed by the fear of harm or pain for any of my loved ones. What had I gotten everyone into?

For one, ever since my new abilities had come to light Jacob was around more and more. I think that somewhere deep inside of him he hoped that my new self would be incompatible with Edward and I would leave him. Jacob, dear Jacob. How could I blame someone for loving me, as horrible and wretched as I may treat them? Why wasn't I demanding that he leave and trying to spare him from the monstrously selfish person that I was? For that very reason, I was being selfish. Still, a small part of me was screaming, constantly and loudly for the tall, dark, handsome man that used to be my Jacob. It would sneak up on me in the back of my mind, just an image of Jacob and I, melted into each other, lips locked, in only the most natural embrace. I kept wondering, if I did indeed belong to the forest, as did Jacob in his werewolf self, were we meant to be? But Edward and I had a love that was stronger than that, and though I knew I loved Jacob in return, I knew that Edward's love was the love I could not live without.

My biggest fear, however, was for what was happening to me. What if I wasn't some kind of harmless nymph? What if I was becoming a monster worse than any I had come to know so far? I could pose a threat to any and all of my loved ones... Sam was right to worry for the tribe, I was the unknown and like the cat in Erwin Schrödinger's famous experiment, it was like I was hidden in a box able to emerge as two different things. Until the box was opened and my change was complete, I could be considered both an angel and a monster. As the change was not complete in me yet, while the variable still existed, waiting for the answer to show up might be just too long to wait. To me, the possibility even, of an unknown monster was too much when my loved ones were at stake.

Aside from the imminent danger I myself could be, I was also putting all of the humans I loved in danger. What would the Volturi do if I could not, indeed, change? Would they visit Forks personally? Who knew how many of my loved ones would be hunted during a visit from the terrifying rulers of the vampire world? How many of my friends and family would the Volturi take down before they killed me? How many of the pack would they take down if it tried to stand in the way? I was beside myself with terror. I tried to hide the fear on my face from Edward as we walked toward the big wall of glass hand in hand from the outside.

Speaking of the pack, I was worried how the confrontation between Jacob and Sam was going. The Elders had been unwilling to meet at Jacob's command but as far as I knew he was still trying. A pang of guilt rang through my stomach. I was disgusted with myself for putting Jacob through a confrontation with his own people.

Edward squeezed my hand to comfort me as we approached the house. I felt the ring on my finger dig in slightly under the pressure and the newest wave of anxiety washed over me. Until the last day or so the concept of marraige had scared me out of my mind. Why walk down the aisle? Marriage was so mundane it was almost a mockery in comparison with the love Edward and I shared. Just recently the concept was becoming more and more beautiful. I kept picturing it, all of the stress from the last few days ruling out the dread I felt at the public exhibition, more than anything I wanted to stand with Edward and say those formal words which would bond us forever. I wanted to belong to him. I wanted all shadow of a doubt out of my mind, I wanted to belong to Edward so completely I had no way of turning back... My fear was in Edward's choice. Did he still want me? The fear inside of me was so much that I could hardly bring myself to wonder if the wedding was still on.

I was so unknown that I posed a danger to the entire Cullen way of life. What if I was uncontrollable? Would I risk exposure for his family? Would I pose a danger to them in the face of the Volturi? If the Volturi were to visit the only way for the Cullens to show their allegiance after finding out I could not be changed would be to kill me themselves and save the Volturi the trip. If not, when the Volturi arrived there would be a question as to the true loyalty of the Cullen coven and whether or not they truly had the best interests of vampire secrecy as a priority. This alone would be enough for the power hungry Volturi to destroy them!

I was shaking slightly and Edward pulled me into his arms for a moment just outside the backdoor.

"What I would give to be inside your head right now Bella..." he whispered into my hair as he held me close.

"I'm fine, Edward.." My voice was meek and trailed off slightly.

He pulled away slightly to look me in the eyes. "Would you stop minimizing? I know that you must be terrified and you have every right to be!"

"Edward please, I'm fine, there are more important things to worry about."

"It looks like you're doing enough worrying for both of us. Please Bella," he buried his nose into my throat and I could feel his sweet breathe washing over my collarbone. "Please, tell me what worries you. I can't stand to see you in pain."

I couldn't answer. The lump in my throat was too tight. So many worries. I knew I had to remind him that I could be the danger, but the debilitating fear of him not wanting me, of leaving me again... I couldn't bring myself to speak. So many times I had feared for my loved ones, but this time the pain in every direction canceled out and made it so hard for me to make the right decision. Tell him and risk him listening to me and leaving me... killing me? I couldn't even consider it or think him capable... Or not tell him and risk hurting any of them out of my own selfishness?

He knew I wasn't going to answer and kept murmuring to me, anxiety clear in his voice, his eyes a deeper shade of topaz. "I can't stand you suffering, Bella. I can't stand wondering!"

"Please!" His voice was begging now. "Please, if you love me, tell me the truth. Tell me it's only the uncertainty of this," he hesitated "situation, that has you fearful."

I pulled away only the tiniest bit to look again into his anguished eyes. The concern there was true, the fear there echoed my own.

"Of course. It's only the situation," I managed to mumble. I was a terrible liar and he knew it. I never had mastered the lying...

I saw him swallow hard and appear to brace himself under my lie.

"You want him then, don't you?" The anguish was still there, clear, his eyes black now. "Then go, won't you? Please Bella, I'm begging you, if you want him, go to him."

So that was it? He was still fearful that I wanted Jacob Black over him? Over perfect Edward Cullen? Contorted in agony as he was now, he was still my beautiful angel. I was disgusted at myself for putting him through this, I couldn't believe I had made him think that.

"No Edward! Of course I don't want him! I want you, I can't live without you! Remember when you left?" The memory made him look away from me and shudder, self hatred in his eyes.

His voice was shaking now with regret. "I would take that back a million times Bella...." and more quietly he added "Or I should have stayed away, maybe you two would have become happy..."

I corrected him, almost angry now. "No Edward! That's the point! I was so unhappy! I was almost dead! I almost did die! I have to have you! I can't live without you!" The enormity of my words hit me, and I knew, yes indeed, I had to have him.

He forced a small smile and pretended to be reassured, but I could still see a hint of anxiety. He held me close for a moment more, hands in my hair and lips brushing against the top of my head. His body was still tense, but I hoped he would believe me. After a moment he chuckled quietly and I immediately felt very calm and peaceful. The tense moment was only a shadow in the night. Edward instantly relaxed as Jasper poked his head out the backdoor.

"Carlisle is waitin' on y'all." He drawled in his charming southern accent.

I looked up at Edward guessing why he'd chuckled.

"Jasper was losing his mind at the emotional mess we were back here." I smiled. Somehow Jasper had saved us from the intensity of the moment.

* * *

We entered the great white mansion from the backdoor and surprisingly found the entire family plus Jacob in the great family room. My breath caught at seeing him sitting there so casually, his beautiful dark skinned face a contrast against the white decor and white skin of my family. I pushed his dazzling welcome smile out of my mind, focusing instead on Edward's hand in mine. We sat next to eachother on Edward's piano bench while Carlisle led in the conversation. Edward's face was already fixed as I knew he was reading Jacob's mind. He instantly began to relax even more.

"Jacob has come here to give us some very good news," Carlisle began. "Jacob, would you like to relay to the others what you have already told me?"

Jacob cleared his throat and looked around the room. "Uh, sure Doc." He cleared his throat again and began. "So, as you know I've been having it out with Sam. He thinks this situation is dangerous, I mean Bella you remember when I told you that spirit women, if that's what you are, make men in my tribe go insane."

"Too late dog, looks like all of you are already head cases" Rosalie spat under her breathe.

"Well I guess I can skip most of the details but I am the pack Alpha." I was sure a look of surprise was on my face. Edward looked pleased.

"The title has always been mine but I was unwilling at first to pick it up. I don't want to command anyone," he glanced at the floor, "but Sam wasn't looking at all sides. We have to protect people, including you." At that he looked at Carlisle expectantly and unwilling to give any more details.

Esme looked distraught.

"Thank you, Jacob, for all you have done. I know the title has always been yours but if we caused any pressure... we are so truly thankful."

"No problem," he mumbled incoherently at the floor.

"Well I'm going to go let the watchdogs out there know you all haven't killed me..."

Rosalie hissed after him, "Don't give me any ideas!" and with that he stomped out the door.

I looked at Edward in disbelief. "How in the world did he get his title, I thought more than half the pack was against him!" Edward smiled a small smile.

"He just acknowledged that it was his." I was still confused.

"The title belonged to him all along," he continued, "all he had to do was acknowledge _himself_ as alpha and it just happened. Apparently blood is more important than anyone thought."

"How does the rest of the pack feel?" I asked, "Will they obey him?"

"They have no choice. They may not like it or agree with him but physically they can not refuse his bidding."

"Even Sam?" I asked.

"Even Sam."

"How is Jake taking to it?" I asked, concerned over the discomfort I was putting him through.

"Oh he's fine" Edward answered, a tense edge to his voice. "He wanted it all along. Whether or not he admits it, deep down his true nature would never have permitted him to answer to Sam for long. He is the true leader and acknowledging that was inevitable."

"Sooner or later he would have thought it in his head, and just made it happen?"

"The pack mind is a fascinating thing," he murmured, "for one to acknowledge something, all must acknowledge it." I nodded in understanding.

* * *

We rose from the piano bench and moved to go upstairs for my regular medical exam. Alice moved toward us.

"Bella, a moment?" "Alone." She added.

I looked at Edward who was watching Alice questioningly. He nodded once and continued upstairs without me. I turned to Alice.

"Hey Alice, what's going on?" In these last few days she had been keeping to the side, annoyed that she couldn't see me.

"I wanted to talk to you about Edward," she said quietly.

"What's wrong?" I asked, immediately concerned.

"Jasper keeps telling me that Edward just won't calm down. He's in a constant state of frenzy. He keeps asking me to check your future though he knows I can't see it." She pouted adorably and hunched her little shoulders forward, seemingly defeated.

"Are you sure you won't leave us, Bella?"

I was a little bit annoyed. This was getting old!

"Alice I promised I would never leave, I intend to marry Edward and truly become a part of this family! I love you all so much!"

Alice was quiet and suddenly my heart dropped through my stomach. I realized my mistake in mentioning the wedding. Oh God, it was true! The wedding was off until we all knew what I was, and though I should have been relieved, oh it was all safer for every one of us this way... Still I felt so... broken.

She put her tiny little hand under my chin and lifted my face so she could meet my eyes.

"Edward can't help wondering if," she hesitated, "Jacob may have worked some kind of," she just couldn't get it out. "...magic on you."

My jaw literally fell to the ground.

"What?" I spluttered, "Are you serious?" She nodded her pixie head and her spiky hair flopped back and forth while she bit her lip nervously awaiting my reaction.

I considered this. Jacob seemed quite smug lately and a little more willing to help the Cullens than I would have suspected. He seemed confident that Edward and I would prove incompatible, and this sudden leadership of the pack was so... I couldn't place it. Such a brave thing for Jacob to do out of the blue. The Quilutes seemed to possess some kind of a knowledge of magic that evaded the rest of the world, why else would they have a race of superhuman shape shifters running around their land?

I felt sick.

"No, Alice, as far as I know, this is no doing of Jacob's, that's nuts!" I smiled weakly and hugged her before turning around to follow Edward up the stairs.

A small part of me was falling, falling, falling... into that distant place where I knew my Jacob waited at the bottom.

* * *

I sat through another examination as Carlisle flitted around me, checking all of my vitals. We were all becoming more and more calm about what was wrong with me, ready to take a kind of backseat and wait for more information to present itself. Carlisle however was concerned with documenting what I was becoming and every change in my physiology was important to him. He was taking careful observation of my performance after days of no sleep or food. After several moments he sat down in his desk chair facing Edward and I.

"I have a theory," he began. "Not easy to prove, but something." Edward could already hear his thoughts and his brows were pressed together.

Edward looked down at me from where he stood behind my right shoulder.

"Carlisle wonders if maybe you have stopped ageing."

I suddenly felt elated and a wide smile stretched my lips. If I wasn't going to get any older Edward might want me after all! He wouldn't some day be married to a decrepit old woman.

Edward smiled at the way my eyes were lit up and I shone with excitement. I knew he was happy to see me happy, no, truly excited, for the first time in days.

Carlisle went on. "Now we have no way to have concrete proof because once a human has passed puberty the ageing happens so slowly that in only a few days I can only guess at its halt." He paused, "For now, I make my hypothesis based on your skin. Normally your skin cells would die and regenerate... usually the entire epidermis layer regenerates in two to three weeks. Now we only have a week to go off of, but it appears to me that your entire epidermis has already died and regenerated. Unless I am wrong, which I most certainly could be, I think that because your body is regenerating at twice the normal rate you will never age. Ageing, such as wrinkle formation occurs when your body's natural regeneration slows."

I was at a loss for words. "Wow."

Edward smiled at me and for a moment I was dazzled.

"See Bella? It doesn't matter if you can become a vampire or not! You will forever be eighteen!"

Carlisle cleared his throat and we both returned our focuses to him. "There's more."

I felt my elation die, I just knew there was going to be some kind of a catch.

"This is different than us vampires. We are frozen in time, in a way. This is why vampire women can not become pregnant. For a woman to carry out a pregnancy her body must change. It appears to me that unlike us, you are not immortal because you don't change, you are immortal because you change so quickly you remain constant."

"So I'm more like Jacob?" I asked.

Both vampires looked at each other suddenly with wide eyed expressions.

"Bella I have not considered this but," Carlisle hesitated, "have you been hurt at all in the last few days?"

I considered for a moment. "No, actually I haven't fallen down or anything."

Edward smiled. "Well a better sense of balance is a plus."

Carlisle continued, "I wonder if you are able to heal as quickly as Jacob, or nearly."

I was caught by surprise. Me? As virtually indestructible as Jacob?

"It would appear that your body regenerates as quickly as his. You know, I was hoping I could take a small blood sample anyway to review for any further oddities, would you mind Bella?"

I shook my head no, numbly. I was in a sort of haze by this point, in shock at all the good news.

He produced a small syringe and with the skilled hand of a very experienced doctor (and vampire, for how quickly he found my vein) deftly took a small sample of my abnormally sweet blood. I cringed at the sight and suddenly appreciated how strong Edward's control had become. He didn't even flinch at the smell of my exposed vein.

We all watched incredulously as the small hole immediately closed and healed over, nanoseconds after Carlisle removed the syringe.

The vampires looked up with elated expressions. I tried to feign a smile, but inside I felt sick again.

I was becoming physiologically more and more like Jacob every second. Virtually indestructible, immortal and still able to procreate?

"Whatever is going on with you," Edward muttered, "So far I love it. All the bonuses of being a vampire without the burning alive sensation." He smiled.

I smiled back, but inside I was still burning in my own river of anxiety. Even if I was as immortal as they, assuming I wasn't becoming a Quilute spirit woman to perfectly unite with the Werewolf, assuming that all of my other worries proved insignificant, would the Volturi spare my family? This was a happy new discovery, but the results of everything were still unknown and the Volturi were sure to point this out in any confrontation. I was not a vampire, and could not be, and this fell outside of their edict that I become a vampire or die. Edward eyed me suspiciously and I knew I was not going to be able to get out of his inquiries much longer.

"What's wrong Love?" he pulled me up out of my examination chair and smiled at me. Dazzled though I was, I knew I had to explain to them my worries, but only those of the Volturi.

Both looked grim when I finished relaying my worries but Carlisle looked somewhat more hopeful than Edward. "It is not a pleasant thought, to be sure, but the Volturi are not tyrants. If you pose no threat to our way of life, surely they must spare you." He was unwilling to believe ill of the Volturi but Edward did not look convinced. Still, we thanked him and excused ourselves.

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**One last Author's note:**

**Thank you, thank you, thank you, to all who have reviewed! I really appreciate you! You are what makes the world go round! (My world that is:)) So please, make my day and review here as well. You wonderful person, you! **

**p.s. like the cliffy? Bet you are still wondering about the pairing, huh? Is it J/B? Is it E/B? I bet you will not expect what is going to happen! Yay, I hope I'm not being mean though, sorry, just excited! Hang in there!**

**Love Always, Hillary  
**


	12. Chapter 12

"**Alice saw you and called us begging me to come find you." He paused for another moment. "Bella, Alice saw you here in the meadow and.." he stopped again, hesitating, and the look in his eyes was hard to interpret. "She saw you levitating."**

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. Stephenie Meyer is, however, my hero.

* * *

**Was she thy God,**

**lovely to attract**

**Thy love, not thy subjection**

**Milton: paradise lost:**

**10:145, 152-153**

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CHAPTER TWELVE

Outside Carlisle's study Edward paused momentarily to take my hand and then lead me to his bedroom. I couldn't wait to reach the familiar room with its big golden bed. He closed the door silently after us, and before I even realized it he had lifted me onto his bed and was holding me against his marble chest. Suddenly most of the fear in my heart subsided, but so much still remained in that distant place where I'd been trying to hide it.

We didn't speak for what felt like hours. I just lay on his chest while he stroked my hair soothingly. There was a lot that I felt like we needed to talk about but I didn't have the energy to initiate it all. It felt like a thousand miles had to be run before Edward could even understand how I felt and I already felt exhausted. The task of trying to put it all into words stretched before me.

I sighed and realized that my fears were going to eat me alive if I couldn't at least bring things up with Edward. It was selfish of me to leave everything hanging in some kind of void while I savored what could be my last few moments with him.

Would he leave me again? I knew that I should want him to, but the enormity of being without him loomed in front of me. Even larger, however, was my fear of harm befalling him. I could withstand his absence... I would force myself to, if it meant he was safe and somewhere in this world, existing still. I had to know that he was safe, even from frail weak Bella, whatever I should turn into.

I opened my mouth to speak but he lay a finger over my lips.

"Shhhh Bella." I looked up at him questioningly but he dazzled me with a soothing smile.

"We need these moments. We need everything to be normal for just a few minutes. Let's not ruin this just yet."

I closed my mouth and knew that he was right. I wanted to soak up these moments just as much as he, savoring every detail, every one of his sweet exhales against my throat. This alleviated part of my guilt at not addressing the issues out of my own selfishness because it appeared to me he was savoring the moments as well. It raised a new set of questions. Why was he savoring these precious seconds if things weren't drawing to a close? If he weren't planning on walking away from me again?

"I know we've been to busy to think about it, but you know your mother will be here for the wedding tomorrow, are you excited?"

I caught my breathe. So the wedding was still on?

"Her plane leaves early tomorrow morning, I mean we could always call her and warn her not to come," he added quietly, as an afterthought. He must have misunderstood my gasp.

Tears were running down my face, betraying my hurt and fear. As the first dripped onto his chest he pulled up sharply and kissed my tears away fervently.

"Why are you crying, Bella?" He looked like he would be crying if he could.

"I need to know something, once and for all and I must have the truth, Bella." I raised my watery eyes to stare into his nearly black ones, full of anguish.

"Isabella Swan, do you still plan on becoming my wife in three days?" I began to cry harder though he seemed to take this as a bad sign.

I sputtered between my gasping sobs, "You still want me?"

He appeared flabbergasted. "Of course I still want you! I've been terrified for days that deep down, you don't truly want _me_!"

We were looking at each other, dumbstruck.

"So what Alice talked to me about," he growled quietly and interrupted me.

"I've been meaning to ask you what that was all about."

"She says you think Jacob is responsible for whatever is happening to me."

His face hardened and his hold on my loosened. He stared at the ceiling.

"It is a probable conclusion, yes."

"Edward Cullen!" I was a little bit angry now, "Do you really think Jacob would do that?"  
He sighed, low and exasperated. "You don't have to have to hear his thoughts Bella! He tries to hide them around me but he wants you, Bella. Enough he would do absolutely anything to have you."

"Has he tried, have you heard that in his thoughts?" I asked, terrified that maybe it was true. Yes, I felt something small for Jacob but the idea of being forced into his arms beyond my own will was horrible to me. If I chose Edward then I chose Edward! Jacob would be a fool to try and win me over by force.

"He hides his thoughts." He spoke in a low hiss, still staring at the ceiling. "I hear subtle things that leak out, like loose ends. In his wolf form when he thinks about you, all can hear. The others in the pack are furious that perhaps he has imprinted on you but my interference is clouding the true path of nature, that my existence is preventing something that was meant to be."

I gasped again, understanding the pack logic but still angry.

"They regard vampires as an abomination, as creatures that should not exist. We go against nature. They think that the path your life should have taken would have taken you straight to Jacob Black, however the pack thinks that I stole you, and that your feelings for me are preventing Jacob from imprinting properly."  
I was completely astounded.

"They feel that I have stolen from them. Remember when I told you that when Jacob acknowledged his role as Alpha the pack had to follow suit, because for one to think and acknowledge, all must think and acknowledge?"

I nodded numbly.

"Jacob's pain over you is so strong it affects all of them. They all can't help but pine for you, just to end the pack's collective pain." He sighed.

I finally found my voice. "Edward this is ridiculous, you can't be really considering this!?"

"I spoke to Carlisle," he continued quietly. "He is as puzzled as I. The pack logic is unassailable. Had I not entered your life, your heart would belong to Jacob."

I considered, angry and at a loss for words. Was Edward right? Had he not entered my life that fateful day, would Jacob and I have evolved into something more? I was sure of it. He was the natural choice for me, if Edward had never come into consideration. He was like family, Charlie loved him, even I loved him somewhere deep down. But there was something Edward wasn't considering.

"Edward the truth of the matter is that you _do_ exist, and I do love you! More than anything! The pack can wonder all day about what should-have-would-have-could-have been with Jacob, but the fact of the matter is that I get to have a choice in this! Have they forgotten that I have a choice as well?"

"That's part of it, Bella. They feel I am taking your choice away from you. When a wolf imprints the object of his imprinting never resists, she can't. He is the perfect fit for her. It's an unstoppable force. In this case, they are under the impression that your nature knows you must be with Jacob but something about me is over riding that internal knowledge; they feel that if I would somehow 'lift my magnet' off of you, you would suddenly realize the stupidity of a relationship with your natural enemy and run straight into Jacob's arms."

I was angry. Angry at the pack, angry at Jacob, angry at all of the circumstances surrounding this mess.

"Furthermore," he continued, "They are under the assumption that your weaknesses have overridden your instinct for self-preservation. You know us vampires are designed to draw in our prey. Everything about us attracts you. We are beautiful, impossibly so to human eyes. Even our scent. Jacob and the rest of the pack feel that we don't share a genuine love, that you are more," he hesitated, disgusted, "infatuated with my appearance than anything else. They think if you were normal your self preservation instinct would have kicked in at some point and warned you to stay away."

I was annoyed. The pack wasn't giving me any credit. This was my life and I should be allowed to squander it how I wished. This was my choice! They could consider me an idiot but the fact of the matter was that it was still my choice to make. My life did not belong to the pack.

When I voiced my concerns to Edward he nodded along with me but his jaw grew tight. "I understand completely, Bella, of course I feel you should be able to choose for yourself, however many times I myself have tried to push you into a safer existence."

The look on my face probably wasn't hard to interpret and he sighed.

"I know but they feel that if Jacob is in some sort of odd imprint-limbo with you, you are a part of the pack because you truly belong to their family. Once your fate became entangled with Jacob's they began to consider you one of their own."

I sighed and buried my face into his chest again. I was so angry I wasn't even sure what to say. After a moment the question burning to be asked escaped me.

"So you really think they've had enough and are going to try to make me 'see the light' by force?"

His jaw was still set in a hard line. "I would not be surprised. I think the tribe has knowledge of magic none of us is aware of, and even more, I think the elders would most definitely side with the pack on this one. You are a human and it kills them to let you gallivant around with us, whether you are Quilute or not."

"Does any of this have something to do with why Jacob has suddenly made a move for Alpha?"

Edward sighed. "I think so. The only thing protecting our family has been the treaty. Sam has been unwillingly honoring it, and no matter how angry the wolves got at your choices they had no choice but to let us live as long we kept to the rules."

"Jacob thinks he can override the treaty now that he is the Alpha?"

"Not exactly, but I think there is more to being Alpha than just calling the shots. I think the ancient magic runs a little bit stronger through him. The elders are also more willing to listen to him."

"Then why does it look like he's been so willing to help us?"

"That's just it. It's the only reason we're doubting that he's behind it all. He seemed genuinely concerned and puzzled by what's happening to you. If he was expecting it, he'd be nothing but smug." He hesitated and then muttered, "only you and Carlisle are keeping me from taking him out right now."

Though I didn't like the whole idea, I was definitely against just destroying the pack. If anything I felt like I was the problem.

"Carlisle feels we should honor the treaty as well, and of course I know you wouldn't like me killing him."

I shook my head no but smiled a little wicked smile. "I wouldn't mind you hurting him a little bit, you know, just to show him who's boss."

He laughed and held me tighter. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too, Edward, but I'm scared."

He was concerned. "There is nothing to be afraid of, you know I will protect you until the very end."

"I know, but Edward, I want you now. I want you for all eternity. So much it hurts..." I hesitated, "But what if he can find a way to take that choice away from me, and I can't resist? What if I am forced to hurt you?" I began to cry, shaking with gut wrenching sobs. I would not let Jacob make me hurt my Edward.

"I won't let that happen." He held me and I felt his fists tight behind my back. I knew he wouldn't let anything tear us apart.

"I want to marry you, I want to call you my wife," He whispered into the top of my hair.

"Edward, I know I didn't like the wedding idea but I want it now, more than anything!" He let go and stared at me, a smile of elation lighting up his face. "Really?" he asked, almost giddy.

"Yes, more than anything, I want to be yours forever." He smiled triumphantly.

We lay in the happy silence for several moments until my other great worry took over.

"Edward, what if, what if I'm dangerous? You know, what I end up becoming. What if I hurt you, or Charlie?"

He smiled. "Is this the other thing that has been bothering you?"

I nodded sadly. "Bella you can't become anything that would threaten me, other than a thirst crazy newborn vampire, and it appears we've already ruled that out. Nothing would make you more unable to reason or function rationally, and I was prepared to deal with that, right?"

I nodded, smiling. He was right. Whatever I was becoming, it could only be good. Nothing pointed to dangerous, yet.


End file.
